Young high school teacher’s response to getting hit on by students sets a brilliant example

Teaching is a career that can start young. New graduates are often tasked with leading a classroom in their very first year out of school. For high school, that means 21- or 22-year-olds are often teaching teenagers barely a few years younger than themselves. There’s an uncomfortable tension in these situations where boundaries can get blurry. All teachers, but especially younger teachers, have to learn quickly how to deal with students who get too chummy, or worse, overly flirtatious. High school teacher reveals mistake she made the first time a student hit on her Baylee Bretzing, a high school teacher and popular content creator, is 26 years old, married, and a mom. But that hasn’t stopped boys in her class from trying to flirt with her, especially back in her first year teaching. “I started teaching 17-year-olds as a 22-year-old,” she says in a recent TikTok video. “The first time it happened to me, I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do, so I just [laughed] and left the situation. Looking back, I wish I would have stood up for myself.” Setting boundaries as a young teacher She then offered some advice for the young teachers out there, admitting that it’s a reality that sometimes “high school boys try to hit on their teachers.” “You need to be loud and set your boundary in front of everybody,” Bretzing advises. “You stop in your tracks and you say loudly and seriously, ‘You say that one more time and I will kick you out of my class.’” Why not handle it privately or simply brush it off? Bretzing says that not only is the boundary important, setting the example of how to set it is a valuable lesson for her other students. “First of all, it sets a boundary. Second of all, it’s an example for the girls in your class of how not to be talked to.” Of course, it’s not just female teachers and male students. This is a problematic dynamic that defies gender, age, and even physical appearance. Megan Rotar, a psychologist, told Metro Parent, “Teachers, to students, are almost like celebrities. They are there to be supportive and help the students in learning and facilitate their growth. Sometimes the teachers will fulfill a need the student has, and that can lead to a crush.” Whether it’s a crush, trolling, teasing, or flirting for fun, teachers like Bretzing have to be ironclad in the boundaries they set, or the consequences can be disastrous. Attraction, crushes, or flirting from students toward teachers is an inevitability, but there’s no one consensus on the best way to handle it. Bretzing has made her position clear: shut it down loudly, clearly, and, ideally, publicly. Her approach prevents others from trying anything inappropriate in the future and sets an example on how to hold personal boundaries. Many commenters on the now-viral video agreed: “I remember my first year of teaching at 21 and a senior boy invited me to his 18th birthday and all the kids in the class stared going ‘oooh’ and laughing. I didn’t smile or laugh, I immediately said ‘I’m not your peer or your bro, I’m your teacher and I expect to be treated that way.’ Never happened again in that class. Just don’t entertain it AT ALL” “Setting examples for the girls is so important! You’re a rockstar” “As a young high school teacher you have to set such strong boundaries. I told them straight off the bat that I am a mother and I see them as kids. I will parent them if I need too and yes they’re older high schoolers 16-18. The girls saw me at first as their bff and the guys were trying to be all nice and I was [like]… I’m Mom in this classroom I’m not the cool young teacher.” “This is the best take I’ve seen so far. That’s EXACTLY right. We are the adults, we have to set the boundaries and be firm. They are children and will push but we are responsible for teaching them NO. You’re amazing!” Other experts prefer to operate more delicately, either by ignoring the behavior, pulling a student aside for a one-on-one chat, or involving the parents and administrators if gentler approaches don’t work. They say humiliating a student can be really damaging. Ultimately, it’s a delicate situation that’s context-dependent. In Bretzing’s example, comments that are sexual, rude, or attention-seeking deserve a harsher response than mild fawning, for example. Every teacher will have to draw their own line. It’s a delicate scenario One thing a lot of teachers agree on is that education and training simply don’t prepare them for the uncomfortable reality of students being attracted to teachers close to their age. Education degrees cover academic and classroom management, but don’t often tackle the crucial topic of personal boundaries with students. It’s a tricky subject made fraught by bad stories in the news, but the unwillingness to talk about it makes things even more difficult for the well-meaning teachers who are struggling. One young teacher recently went viral because too many of her students were developing crushes and making her uncomfortable, so much so that she was considering leaving the profession. Unfortunately, it is part of the job, but it’s also a great opportunity to teach kids about boundaries. One day, they will need to know how to respect and enforce their own.