Woman Complains Male Passenger Refused To Lift Her Heavy Carry-On: Should Men Be Expected To Handle Women’s Bags?

A woman says a man refused to help lift her heavy carry-on, then acted annoyed while she held up boarding. Her complaint to social media drew death threats and a fight over what men owe women on planes. Helping another passenger should be normal, right? But it’s also not an entitlement and ill-advised to rely on help you aren’t paying for. The woman was returning home to Hawaii. She called the man who refused to help rude on her TikTok account. He wasn’t. He was just minding his own business, and replied: “No, I’m good. You can get it.” She was asking for a favor, favors can be declined, although I think you should help another passenger when you can. She eventually got the bag into the bin herself. After online backlash to her tone, she apologized and said she wasn’t entitled to anyone’s help. She backtracked and now says her complaint was about his demeanor. Death threats over a carry-on complaint are deranged. Victoria’s follow-up explanation on TikTok The comments on Instagram include women saying she should have checked her bag, some lamenting the death of chivalry, and people pointing out that you can’t see a stranger’s injuries to their arms or back. And inevitably someone brought up “choose the bear”: “Was the bear not able to help with the luggage?” We’re not all atomists, and there’s probably some obligation we owe each other as humans. That obligation isn’t the same as what we owe a spouse or child, or a coworker, but it’s non-zero. Why not make the world a better place at low cost, while taking care not to injure yourself? I’m no fan of checking bags but perhaps if you can’t lift it (though it seems she eventually did) then checking the bag would be better, and paying at least for a SmarteCart from curb to check-in and again at baggage claim. While flight attendants will generally decline to help you stow your carry-ons, it’s worth noting that passengers with disabilities can request assistance from the airline stowing and retrieving carry-on items. Airlines have encouraged more passengers to carry bags on by charging to check them. A passenger can save money by bringing the suitcase into the cabin, while everyone behind them shares any boarding delay. Telling passengers to pack differently only gets so far when the airline’s pricing skews the behavior in the first place. What obligation do you think we owe to fellow travelers – and is the obligation gendered? Does a man owe more help to a woman because of their different sex? And what about a passenger that’s elderly? Topics on this page