One of Our Senators Actually Thinks Airline Pilots Are Secretly Furries

1 min readAir travel in these United States is inconvenient and tiresome enough without having to sit in the weirdo section because your flight is filled. From People: United Airlines has launched an investigation following a report that a passenger alerted staff of a man masturbating on her flight, and was subsequently forced to sit next to him. A 25-year-old passenger alleges she departed Rochester, NY, for Newark Liberty International Airport in New Jersey around 6 a.m. on Sept. 3 when she noticed the man seated next to her pleasuring himself, NBC reported.The friendly skies are not supposed to be this friendly.However, we are lucky to have Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-Banana Farm) to warn us of the real danger to passengers: That your pilot may be dressed as Yogi Bear. This is something that Tuberville actually said on the floor of the United States Senate:Listen to this. Many airline pilots, flight attendants, and air traffic controllers are part of the furry community. Lord help us. It's terrifying when you think about this. When you walk onto a commercial flight, it's possible that the pilot of your plane could have a deranged fetish of dressing up like an animal.Is it possible that CTE is contagious and that Coach Tuberville caught it from one of his players?He is odds-on to be the next governor of Alabama, so that person who dresses up like an elephant at Crimson Tide football games better watch his back.