If Kemi wants a piece of electoral pie, she needs to hit up TikTok and give Burnham a run for his money

HOW refreshing to see Andy Burnham enter Downing Street and truly shake things up. With Britain’s last six Prime Ministers all graduating from Oxford, what a welcome relief this Cambridge graduate is. If Kemi wants a piece of electoral pie, she needs to hit up TikTok and give Burnham a run for his money Credit: EPA There is one major difference between Starmer and Burnham — TikTok Credit: TikTok/ukgov A week into the top job, it may all seem so predictably Old Labour — re-nationalisation, crippling taxes and grand plans of taking Britain back to the Seventies without any, well, actual plan or mandate. But there is one major difference between Starmer and Burnham — TikTok. Because Burnham’s new team realise the power of online, splurging £1million of your cash on hiring influencers to push out official videos. Take Andy’s first day in the Top Job. “This week a hot new bombshell enters the villa,” intoned former Love Island host Laura Whitmore to a backdrop of our new PM strutting into No10 and shaking hands with party members. Pop star Mabel’s Don’t Call Me Up played in the background. It was posted on the Government’s official page. This, ladies and gentlemen, is New-Old Labour. Over the weekend it emerged the party’s media unit is hiring creators to make Cabinet Office socials, ie £70,000 a year to make Andy’s TikToks. “I think someone needs to ban social media for them not us,” quipped one commentator (in response to the party’s plans to ban under-16s from social media). “OK, if you’re gonna use Love Island, can you tell us when the voting begins to get him out?” deadpanned another. Someone else queried: “Is this the same government telling me to pay my council tax? How can I take it seriously?” And one well-informed user stormed in a video: “Why are you begging for our engagement when we are begging for you to fix our cost-of-living crisis?” “You, in a position of power, shouldn’t be making jokes. Look how divisive our country is. This is not funny. “People are not being paid enough to live comfortably and you’re making f***ing Love Island jokes. We didn’t even vote for you. “They do not respect us. “They think we are d**kheads.” The video had 120,000 “likes” shortly after being posted. But for every negative comment on the Andy Burnham post, up popped eight other positives. “Finally, something to smile about” and “Give the intern a pay rise” were the gist. But make no bones about it, this is no work experience. For every negative comment on the Andy Burnham post, up popped eight other positives Credit: Reuters Kemi is quietly building her own loyal fanbase, one which realises she is the measured, smart voice of reason Credit: Getty This is a dedicated campaign, one designed to engage youth or anyone under 50 who, sadly, gets their news from social media rather than legacy media. It’s smart. Traditional politics and politicians are alienating voters. It’s a brave new world, and one we must all embrace if we aren’t to vanish into middling obscurity. Since then, we’ve had videos of action hero Andy pouring pints, DJ-ing, jogging, driving buses, flirting with Cheryl Tweedy over green screen and completing TikTok trends. Andy has almost a million followers — rapidly growing — across the two big yooof platforms of TikTok and Instagram, in comparison to Kemi Badenoch who has just over 350,000 on Instagram only. And yet the Opposition leader has just returned her highest favourability ratings to date, and is getting funnier and sharper week in week out at PMQs. Kemi is quietly building her own loyal fanbase, one which realises she is the measured, smart voice of reason. And a woman with a plan, unlike Andy. In the flesh, Kemi radiates ultimate Head Girl energy. Doubtless she finds social media utterly ludicrous and juvenile. Hence her TikTok reticence (same, Kemi, same). Unfortunately, though, if she wants to get Andy out of the villa Georgian terrace, she must up her online presence. Engagement is her only missing ingredient. If Kemi wants a piece of this electoral pie, she needs to show her human side on and offline. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. votekemi #kemiforPM #comegetreadywithkemi. DON'T BLAME DOGS THERE’S no such thing as a bad dog, only terrible owners. Step forward Freddy Brazier and his nan Jackiey Budden. The troubled 21-year-old’s beautiful pet, Pablo, is likely to be put down unless a suitable new owner is found. It comes after the pocket bully “savaged” both Freddy, right, and his nan. Why did the poor mutt attack? Well, for a start the traumatised creature was probably stoned after being made to stay confined in pot-smoking Jackiey’s house. And according to Freddy’s ex Holly Swinburn, Pablo – the “nicest dog who wouldn’t hurt a fly” – had been badly “mistreated”. I believe Holly. I really cannot imagine these two taking young Pablo for hearty countryside yomps. He would be lucky with round the block. Owning an Instagram-pretty pet when you aren’t in a position to walk, play, pamper and love it is cruel, selfish and irresponsible. Idiots like Jackiey and Freddy are why we need dog licences. That’s how to age, Joan Joan Collins, 93, looked incredible on hols in the French Riviera Credit: instagram/joancollinsdbe NOW this is how to do ageing. Joan Collins, 93, looked incredible on hols in the French Riviera, posting a photo of herself pool-side in an all-in-one swimsuit and giant, face protecting sun hat. This superstar has barely aged a day in two decades (yes, yes, she may have had a little help), but she lives life to the absolute fullest. Aspirational. ROYAL DRAG ONCE upon a time, little girls* grew up wanting to be princesses. Nowadays no one in their right mind would wish to be royal. So pity poor ol’ Prince George, who turned 13 last week with the release of a suitably formal new portrait, alongside a video montage of him enjoying wholesome outdoor activities. In September he’ll follow in his dad’s footsteps at archaic Eton. In contrast, at 13 I had my first snog. My mates were having cheeky fags around the back of the train station, and all of us were queuing up at Claire’s Accessories to get our ears/belly buttons pierced. Poor George can enjoy no such coming-of-age rituals. Not without global repercussion. Here’s hoping he can misbehave badly behind closed doors. *And yes, yes, maybe some little boys too. THAT’S PANTS, ZARA The hashtag ‘Zara death pants’ is circulating online after a £25.99 pair of wide-legged trews went viral Credit: ZARA EVERY day is near-death day if you’re me. At 5ft 2¾in, it is v. rare that a pair of trousers fit, unless they’re from the “petite” (ie short-arse) range, or some sort of little person culotte. So Zara, with its general, all-round schizophrenic sizing, really is not the shop for me. Or, it now transpires, for millions of other normal-heighted folk. The hashtag “Zara death pants” is circulating online after a £25.99 pair of wide-legged trews went viral following a slew of videos showing wearers tripping over the leg and injuring themselves. “These Zara pants need to come with a warning because now I have a fractured knee,” wrote one TikTok user below a video of them leaving hospital in a wheelchair. Some videos show wearers face-planting on pavements, while others highlight bloodied knees and elbows, bruised limbs and broken fingernails. Gives a whole new 2026 meaning to “buyer beware”. Meme of the week Fair play to Larry the cat for this one Credit: Supplied AS if wedding lists and costly foreign hen/stags aren’t bad enough . . . Now we have couples wanting their guests to pay for their actual do. Danny Cipriani and his bride-to-be AnnaLynne McCord are asking friends and family to cough up for their big day using a crowdfunding site after getting engaged last year. The former England rugger bugger – a cocky young man who once patronisingly suggested I switch to pineapple juice as I reached for my second, second!, thimble of champagne – and his actress fiancée want people to pay for everything from the marriage licence to their reception meal. If you can’t afford a massive wedding, don’t have one.