I swear in front of my kids — I’d rather they heard the words from me

Are you potty mouthed in front of your kids? (Picture: Charlie Bond) Charlie Bond, 37, from Kent doesn’t believe in censoring her language in front of her children… Swearing is one of those things that’s generally a no-no when it comes to parenting. As soon as a little one comes along, adults are supposed to censor themselves and say things like ‘oh fiddle sticks’ when they stub their toe and want to turn the air blue. But, I find that sometimes, ‘fiddle sticks’ doesn’t cut it. And that’s why I still swear around my kids, even though I know for many that’s an instant time out and 20 minutes on the naughty step. My children are four and one, and when I first became a mum I had good intentions. I was going to be virtuous, set a good example and be a calm, gentle parent. But then I realised how hard parenting actually is, and all of that went out of the window. I continued to swear. Sometimes loudly, often under my breath, and I decided that my kids would just have to learn not to follow in my footsteps. ‘I was unlikely to be grounded for swearing so I didn’t test that boundary.’ Charlie with her two sons (Picture: Supplied) Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. I remember at secondary school, kids testing out swear words and grinning gleefully as they said words beginning with s, f and c (you’ll have to fill in the blanks!) For me, swearing never seemed that taboo because I’d heard my mum saying a whole plethora of expletives. I didn’t go around constantly repeating them, but I understood that, sometimes, if you were really angry, upset or frustrated, there were words you could use that would convey that emotion better than ‘fiddlesticks’. Is it okay to swear in front of children? Yes, they're only wordsCheck No, it teaches bad habitsCheck For a long time I didn’t swear. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t really need to. I’d heard the words, and I knew my mum wasn’t particularly precious – I was unlikely to be sent to bed or grounded for cussing, so I didn’t need to test that boundary. But after school finished and adult life started, I realised that swearing was quite fun. Despite having a degree in journalism, sometimes finding the words for something can be hard, and only a swear word can accurately describe the emotion you’re feeling. ‘I don’t censor myself around the kids’ My husband and I don’t see eye to eye when it comes to swearing. While he’ll happily f and blind once the kids are in bed, he won’t say any bad words directly in front of them. I, on the other hand, don’t censor myself. I sometimes try to say less offensive words in front of them, but most of the time I don’t censor myself around the kids. I think, if they’re going to hear those words it’s better that they hear them from me than on TV or from a kid in the playground. ‘Forget potty training, I’m telling my kids not to be potty mouthed.’ The couple don’t always agree on language (Picture: Supplied) Obviously, phone calls from your child’s nursery to say they’ve been swearing aren’t great, so I do have to try and work out a way to stop my kids from repeating swear words when they hear them. My one year old doesn’t say much yet (and hopefully his first word won’t be s**t), but my four-year-old has said a few swear words already. One day I heard him muttering ‘for f’s sake’ when he couldn’t get his shoes on. I should have been cross, but it did make me laugh that he’d used it in context. Also, when I asked him where he’d heard the word, he said ‘daddy’ which made it even funnier. A friend of mine told me that she also doesn’t refrain from using swear words in front of her son, and just tells him they’re ‘naughty adult words’ that shouldn’t be repeated. Her child is now 12 and thus far hasn’t been expelled for bad language…so maybe there’s something in her method. How do you parent? You’re reading How I Parent, Metro’s series exploring how the nation is raising their children. If you’re interested in sharing your experience with a journalist, email rachel.moss@metro.co.uk to find out more. I do try not to say too many swear words around my children, but if one does slip out, I just don’t make a big deal of it. And if I hear it being repeated, I use my friend’s line, advising: ‘we don’t say that word, it’s a grown up word’. So far, that seems to be working for us. Nursery haven’t phoned, and I think as long as we downplay the language, the kids don’t think it’s a big deal. If we were to fly off the handle and get angry, or tell them never to say words like that I think it would probably be worse. But by not making a big deal, I think they’re less bothered. ‘We ban baby language rather than swear words.’ My four-year-old’s language skills are pretty good, and I think that’s because we talk to him like a person, and not a baby. My husband and I have never been ones to use baby talk or use language like ‘boo boo’ to describe an injury. We talk to him like he’s on our level, and sometimes he gets it, and sometimes he doesn’t. That’s fine. While we’re not discussing mortgages and tax rates with him, we do chat to him about other things that are going on. He’s starting school in September so I think being worldly-wise is a good thing. I just hope he’s wised up on his ABC’s and not his FUC’s…. More from Metro Parents