Don't call, do text: Gen Z has a lot of feelings about phone etiquette

Getty Images; Tyler Le/BI For the younger generations raised with smartphones, there is one phone feature they often avoid at all costs: the call button.The ubiquity of smartphones means that ringing someone up has become just one option among many. Now, we can send a text, email, DM, or voice note, and actual calls have fallen out of favor.Somewhere along the way, making a phone call without warning became less a casual way to catch up and more of an annoyance — or even a sign there's been an emergency. However, spontaneous calls still have their fans, and etiquette experts told Business Insider that they can help foster connection and clarity in real time.What happened to the spontaneous phone call?Spontaneous phone calls used to be exactly that: spontaneous. You'd call a friend because you were thinking about them, had a recipe to share, or simply wanted to hear their voice — no appointment required.But are we missing something by leaving those unplanned conversations behind? Could bringing back the casual check-in call actually be good for our relationships, stress levels, and overall well-being?For Mary Jane Copps, a communication expert known as the Phone Lady, the shift isn't just about younger generations preferring text messages over phone calls.Instead, it's a combination of evolving technology, expectations, and the fact that our phones are now always with us. Unlike previous generations, today's phone calls can arrive anytime, anywhere — while someone is working, driving, running errands, or simply taking a break."That's the difference of the phone on the wall in the kitchen, you were always at home when you took a phone call," Copps said. "Whereas now you can be anywhere; you can be sleeping, you can be in a meeting, you can be skateboarding."Still, it's not only that calls can come at inconvenient times. The way we communicate has also changed because we now have endless options with our technology. "While we call this a phone, it's really a computer with a phone app," Copps said, holding one up. "With this, I have the choice to text you, to email you, to talk to you on LinkedIn. I don't have to phone you."The phone call didn't disappear — it simply became one option among many. With texts, DMs, emails, and video calls competing for attention, picking up the phone is no longer the automatic choice it once was. With so many ways to connect now, phone calls have fallen out of favor. Olga Pankova/Getty Images Why the call button feels like a jump scareFor Cassie Leigh, 30, an unexpected phone call rarely feels casual. Instead, it often feels like a sign that something is wrong. "Whenever I see anybody, especially family, calling me, it feels like an urgent matter, as opposed to just texting. It feels dreadful," she said.Leigh said texting feels more natural because it gives her time to think before responding. "It gives me the opportunity to take a moment to actually form what I want to say without just blurting something out," she explained.While she doesn't particularly love phone calls, Leigh isn't against hearing someone's voice altogether. In addition to texts, she likes voice messages because they also don't require an immediate response, and when sending one herself, she can edit what she wants to say.That desire for more control is part of what makes texting feel so comfortable, said Copps. "When we're texting or emailing, we have time to think, we have time to edit," she added. "It doesn't have to be instantaneous."Why do some people still want the callback?For some people, the lack of a script isn't a drawback — it's exactly what makes a phone call feel more personal.For Maggie Cornejo, 27, phone calls offer something texting cannot. She said she values "the human connection — hearing someone's voice, jokes, and being able to ask follow-up questions."Working remotely has also made those moments of connection more meaningful to her."I am kind of alone all day, every day, not working in an office," Cornejo said. "Having that chatter with a friend that you haven't seen in a while" can feel energizing.Still, Cornejo considers herself in the minority among her friends when it comes to liking phone calls."I have a few special friends where it's an unsaid thing that we call each other and play phone tag, and it's totally fine. But I have some friends that, if I called them out of the blue, they'd be like, 'Oh my gosh, is something wrong?'"Texting, on the other hand, can sometimes feel like another task to manage, and without tone of voice, it can also leave room for misunderstandings. In some cases, hearing someone's voice can resolve a misunderstanding faster than going back and forth on a screen."You're not going to get rid of that confusion by continuing to text or email. It's the sound of your voice that's going to eliminate that confusion," Cornejo said. Spontaneous calls help people connect in real time — even if it can feel intimidating to pick up the phone. Yew! Images/Getty Images Should we bring phone calls back?So, to call or not to call? For Copps, the answer isn't necessarily to abandon phone calls altogether or expect everyone to pick up every time. Instead, it's about remembering what phone calls can offer that other forms of communication cannot: connection in real time.Sure, texting can create connection, too, but by comparison, phone conversations allow people to build deeper relationships through empathy, compassion, and the simple act of hearing another person's voice.However, bringing back phone calls doesn't mean everyone should start calling without consideration. Like any form of communication, etiquette still matters.Mariah G. Humbert, an etiquette expert and a Gen Zer herself, doesn't necessarily consider an unexpected phone call to be rude. A casual call can still be a thoughtful way to catch up, but certain conversations deserve more consideration, she explained."If you are calling someone with the intention of talking about something sensitive, or potentially challenging, that's when you want to think about it being the right place or right time," she said.That also applies to the now-common "Can I call you?" text. While it may seem polite, the wording can sometimes create as much stress as a spontaneous phone call itself."When it's a text to schedule a phone call, that creates a lot of anxiety," Humbert said. Messages like, 'Can I call you later?' or 'I need to discuss something with you' can send the other person into a spiral."Instead, Humbert suggested giving context about why you want to talk, so they know what to expect. Still, the occasional spontaneous call can be meaningful — especially when it comes from someone you're already close with."I encourage people to check in on the people that they're close to for no other reason than to see how they're doing," she said.Maybe part of getting comfortable with phone calls again is simply allowing yourself to be a little uncomfortable at first. Copps recommended starting small: Call someone who's been on your mind, leave a voicemail, or send a voice message instead of another text.After all, sometimes the best way to get over this hang-up is to stop overthinking it and just pick up the line. Read next Alyshia Hull is a former business contributors fellow who now contributes as a freelancer. She primarily focuses on business, travel, van life, and workspace verticals. Alyshia is a graduate of SUNY Oswego with a degree in journalism. You can connect with her on Twitter and Instagram. Health Tech gen z More