Trump Better Pay Me That $5,000 up Front in Cash

2 min read"Only I can make this promise to you: If the Republicans win the House of Representatives and the United States Senate . . . I will issue a dividend to every adult citizen in the United States of America for $5,000."–Donald J. Trump, President of the United States, September 9, 2026First of all, Andrew Yang beat you to this gimmick by six years, and Boss Tweed by more than a century. Second, I will accept on two conditions: 1) payment in advance, and 2) payment in cash only. You may feel free to send Tom Homan to my place with the cash in a fast-food bag.This was perhaps the most ridiculous moment involving the president at Wednesday night's session of the Republican midterm convention. His speech was slow and, by his standards, uneventful, except for the bribe offer, which perked me up, I can tell you that. He got a little juiced talking about the death penalty, and about the video of the murder of Iryna Zarutska."He loomed over her as the life drained from her petrified . . . you've all seen it, and you don't want to see any more than that, than the putting of the knife. If you wanted to look at something as horrific as you've ever seen, let that tape run. Most networks, and I give them credit for that, wouldn't let that happen. Unfortunately, because of my position, I was forced to look. I did not like it."The man is a ghoul.The enthusiasm gap was filled by other Republican luminaries. Senator Tim Scott went the full JE-HEEEEE-ZUS route. Rep. Brandon Gill, the GOP's most promising young demagogue, gave a culture war speech that probably sounded better in the original Buchanan. But the story of the night was the bribe offer from behind the seal of the President. At the most basic level, assume the president is nothing more than a businessman. Given his history of stiffing workmen, would you trust this guy to pay you five grand later for your vote today? In advance, Bubba. Cash money. I am not negotiating here.