The routine question all doctors ask that patients absolutely ‘despise’

| Senior Lifestyle Reporter Published September 11, 2026 11:23am Updated September 11, 2026 11:23am Doctors ask multiple questions during an appointment but there’s one that’s in the firing line (Picture: Shutterstock / Andrew Will) If you’ve sat down in a doctor’s office recently, it’s likely you’ve spent a couple of minutes reeling off your symptoms while they type some notes on their computer. Then, you’re hit with one simple question: ‘What is it you’d like me to do?’ It’s a phrase commonly used by NHS doctors but it’s sparked fury among many who are desperate for a diagnosis. TikToker Charlie B, who suffers with endometriosis and fibromyalgia, took to the app to share her frustration at being asked that question repeatedly throughout her appointments, and many people in the comments were quick to agree. ‘I despise when they’re like: “so what do you want us to do?” I don’t know, I’m not a doctor,’ wrote one. Another sarcastically answered the question: ‘Not sure babe, I wasn’t the one that went to med school for five years!’ ‘I hate when they say this,’ added another. ‘It’s so condescending.’ Others branded it ‘demoralising’ and compared it to something a ‘gaslighting boyfriend’ would say. But GP and therapist Ben Davis says there’s a reason this question comes up routinely in your appointments. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. ‘It’s really common, and it’s part of GP training, it’s something called ideas, concerns and expectations (ICE),’ he tells Metro. ‘It’s really important because, if I don’t ask it, and I make an assumption about medical intervention, investigation or treatment, actually someone might not want that, they might want reassurance.’ ICE is a patient-centred communication framework used in medical consultations to understand a patient’s perspective and agenda, and the question of what you’d like the doctor to do helps to establish the ‘E’ – expectations. Of course, it’s not fool-proof, and there are many patients who express their concerns and ask for intervention, yet their requests aren’t always heard. It’s why Jess’s Rule was implemented in 2025, which encourages GP teams to rethink a diagnosis if a patient presents three times with the same symptoms or concerns. It comes after Jessica Brady passed away due to cancer in December 2020 at the age of 27, having had 20 consultations with her GP practice in the five months prior, and her illness being missed. And, for conditions like endometriosis, the average diagnosis time currently sits at nine years and four months, with 39% of women visiting their GP 10 times or more before endometriosis was suspected. And Dr Davis can understand why, for those in similar situations, this question could be interpreted the wrong way. People find the question around expectations condscending (Picture: Shutterstock / Wasana Kunpol) ‘I completely understand it can feel condescending or frustrating because often there’s a sense that “I’m coming to you for an answer and I want you to tell me what to do”, so it seems counter-intuitive for the doctor to ask,’ he explains. ‘I often frame it saying “I have my own ideas about what might be helpful but could you tell me what you would like to happen?”.’ Dr Davis has seen people get annoyed or frustrated when he asks about expectations around treatment, and they tell him ‘that’s what I’m coming to you for’. Deals of the Day Topman’s new-season collection has arrived and prices start at just £10 An Instagram mattress left me with back pain – this one completely changed my mind Book Val d'Isère, Val Thorens and Tignes for less in Club Med's ski sale Save 25% on red light therapy masks, sauna blankets and sleep gadgets in Bon Charge sale The viral LED face mask with over 350 lights that's currently discounted by £100 ‘It can be misinterpreted, but it’s good for a GP or doctor to know whether you’ve had thoughts about what could be helpful so you can create a plan together,’ he adds. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: I quit social media for 4 weeks – it changed the way I dream Arrow MORE: This period symptom is ‘freaking’ women out — but it’s actually really common Arrow MORE: Girl, 8, infected with dangerous bacteria after swallowing sea water The Slice Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.