The mid-life workers sacrificing their jobs and pensions to care for their parents

Many people expect to care for their parents as they get older. But for a group of people often known as “carents”, it can mean giving up more than just their time to ensure their family is taken care of. Mid-life workers, looking to help their children fly the nest and boost their own retirement pot, may find they are instead pulled in another direction – spending their time and savings on helping their own parents. This was the case with Sara Wise, 58. Three years ago Sara had no idea her entire life was about to be turned upside down when she received a call to say her mother Jean Autton, now 95, had broken her leg. At the time, Sara was working part-time two days a week as a programme manager for the NHS and living in Swanage, Dorset, with her husband, Stephen, 68. Her mum was living on her own in a ground-floor flat in Reading and had a fairly independent life. Shorts “We got a call from my niece saying Mum had a fall and was in A&E,” Sara said. “We drove straight up there and thought it was just a ‘broken leg’. Being an ex-nurse I thought we’d spend two to three weeks there. “We had no idea that our world had just turned upside down. Mum was in hospital for nearly three months and things went drastically downhill.” Jean deteriorated so much that she now has carers to visit four times a day and often needs round-the-clock care. Sara said: “She’s now immobile, incontinent, nearly blind and deaf, so she can’t do anything but listen to audio books and TV.” At the time, Stephen was working as a senior transport planner for Reading council and was living in a two-bedroom flat during the week, so the couple decided to move in there to support Sara’s mum. Sara tried to continue with her part-time job but quit after three months. “It was impossible. When I resigned I lost over £2,000 a month income. I was planning on retiring soon, but it meant I missed out on an additional nine months of pension contributions as well.” Sara Wise says she had to quit her job and move to take care of her mother, Jean Stephen, meanwhile, deferred his retirement for an extra year. An estimated 1.1 million people left employment to care for an older, disabled or seriously ill relative or friend in the previous two years, equivalent to around 1,500 people a day, according to polling published by Carers UK in September. And 49 per cent of unpaid carers surveyed said they had to cut back on essentials such as food, heating, clothing and transport, according to Carers UK State of Caring survey 2025. Sara added: “It’s not the retirement we planned. We should be living in Swanage, with friends and a social life. We had planned to sell the Reading flat and go travelling but by the time we are able to do that my health will prevent us from doing it in the way we wanted.” Sara said: “Caring for her has taken such a toll on my physical health we are now starting to consider moving back to Swanage and taking mum with us, possibly in a nursing home because we just can’t cope any more.” “I’ve been to the hospital for investigations and they think I’ve got fibromyalgia triggered by stress. I’m basically disabled now myself and I’m still caring for a 95-year-old.” Helen Walker, chief executive of Carers UK, said: “Carers may face higher household bills, travel costs, and pay for additional equipment or adaptations. For those who have needed to give up work to care, time out of employment results in reduced income, pensions and retirement savings.” Shirley Mander juggled her NHS job with looking after her elderly mother – and ultimately found it was not sustainable Shirley Mander, 64, is another such carer affected. She had hoped to spend the final years of her career progressing within the NHS, saving for retirement and finding time to travel. Instead, she took redundancy in April after juggling a full-time job with caring for her 94-year-old mother Brenda became too much. “I was burnt out. I was at breaking point trying to do a full-time job and care for Mum,” said Shirley, who lives in Warwickshire. A clinical lead occupational therapist, she worked across South Warwickshire supporting people with complex medical conditions, including those approaching the end of their lives. Outside work, she was increasingly providing support for her mother. Several hospital admissions last year, followed by delirium, left Brenda needing more help. Shirley stayed overnight when necessary, sometimes leaving work to check on her. And while her employer was flexible, she was already working compressed hours by squashing five days of work into four longer ones. She would keep Wednesdays free for appointments to help her mum. “It was becoming more and more clear to me that I couldn’t manage both,” she said. Data from Carents shows that 71 per cent have been forced to change career paths as a result of their caring responsibilities. When redundancies were offered amid staffing reductions, Shirley applied. After 15 years’ service, she now has enough cash to last her for six months. Sara also has her own health issues, as she has multiple endocrine neoplasia type one, a genetic condition that causes tumours. At the moment, she visits her mother several times a day, preparing meals, helping with personal care and managing shopping, bills and banking. She has power of attorney and stays overnight when Brenda is unwell. Even when she is at her own home nearby, she checks in by phone. The loss of her salary has meant cutting back on meals out and clothes. Shirley receives carer’s allowance and has so far avoided drawing on her savings, but larger expenses, such as car bills or a holiday, could change that. “Eating into my savings, I’ve got to be very, very careful because that’s my future.” She owns her home outright, which helps, but is conscious of rising living costs and the effect leaving work will have on her future NHS pension. She may return to work once her money runs out but looking after her mum is her priority. “She’s my best friend as well as my mum,” she says. “If I can take her out and give us some happy memories, that’s the most important thing to me.” Shirley uses the Carents support network, where she also shares advice drawn from her professional experience. How carers can get financial support If you find your finances are under pressure due to caring responsibilities, it’s worth checking to see if you may be able to claim benefits – for yourself and the person you’re caring for. Use Turn2us or Citizens Advice to check whether you are entitled to carer’s allowance. It’s also worth checking if your relative can claim any benefits, if they are over state pension age for example they may qualify for attendance allowance. If you’re below state pension age and caring for at least 20 hours a week you may also qualify for the carer’s credit, if you cannot claim carer’s allowance. This allows you to fill in any missing national insurance gaps, giving you access to the full state pension. You can also ask your council to do a carer’s assessment on the care needs for your relative. You could get support with respite for yourself, equipment or direct payments. Before you decide to stop working, it’s worth speaking to your boss to find out if you could work flexible or compressed hours.