Space Between Breaths: How to live in the present amid uncertainty, illness and grief

A deeply personal yet universally resonant book that takes readers on a journey into presence, awareness and the moments we so often miss. Space Between Breaths – a lived journey into presence, written by Justin P Van Tonder, is a deeply personal yet universally resonant book, taking you through a journey into presence, awareness and the moments we so often miss. In the book, the Cape Town-born writer takes the reader through his experience of walking beside his mother through a Stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. Life-altering diagnosis Many of us have lost loved ones and often felt robbed of saying our final goodbyes, but are we truly ever ready to say goodbye and depart from those we cherish? Our human minds often grapple with the reality of mortality, especially when reality takes an unexpected turn for what we think is the worst thing that could ever happen. Van Tonder structured the book in a way that serves as a companion for readers by asking reflective questions so one can observe what presence truly means during uncertainty. What would you do if you knew you only had a year of life left on this earth? The reality of goodbyes These dreadful thoughts and moments tend to break down our emotional walls even more. In the Space Between Breaths, JP Van Tonder shares how he too believed that goodbyes happen in order, “in neat, tidy packages”, until life dealt him a deck of cards he could not have foreseen coming. “But life doesn’t work that way; grief does not follow our timelines, and love does not bow to schedules,” Van Tonder shares. ‘That is life’ “It took time, patience, presence…and quiet listening to realise this truth: goodbyes do not always arrive when we expect them.” “They do not always look or feel like we imagine, and that is not a loss.” “That is life,” Van Tonder says. Presence amid chaos The real question here is whether you have the ability to be present enough to hold your loved one’s hand when they need it most. Despite his mom being hit with a life-altering diagnosis, the economy facing an unknown pandemic, six-figure hospital bills to pay, and his own desire to control and change the current direction life was pulling him towards, Van Tonder said that his first book aims to prompt readers to notice the life they are already living. Amid trials and tribulations that arose with constant hospital visits, the story is a testimony of how love and presence gracefully remained at the centre of all the chaos. An unknown pandemic arises At the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, and with life taking an unfortunate new turn, Van Tonder recalls trying to stay strong for his mother’s sake. Van Tonder’s support system and husband, Ludwig, played a major part in the unfolding of this experience. “This book was never meant to teach presence from the outside.” “It was written from the inside of it,” he shares. Life in crisis “From hospital corridors, from doorways, from voice notes and silences.” “From the space between breaths where life asks you to stay, even when you don’t know how.” “Because presence is not something that belongs only to moments of crisis.” Facing the music of life “It belongs to ordinary days, to kitchens and traffic lights.” “To waiting rooms and conversations you don’t want to have.” In the book, death becomes a part of this magnificent experience called life and the beauty of presence and grief that overtakes our emotional state, yet cannot be altered or avoided at any stage. One has to venture through it, facing the music of life, whether you like the song that is playing or not. Pockets of presence We all know songs don’t last forever, nor do human bodies; therefore, the beats and rhythms of life are also bound to change as we do. The book is written in a simple but effective format that is easy to read, with very few words on the page, allowing the reader to walk through these heavy and blissful moments with his mom and partner at their own pace. The reader is also offered pockets of presence to practice while dissecting the pages of his story. ‘This is also your story’ Van Tonder emphasised that this book is not just about death, illness or the pandemic. “It is written for anyone who has ever tried to control an uncontrollable moment, loved deeply and feared losing, been surrounded by people yet felt alone, realised sometimes too late, that true presence matters more than answers.” “While this is my story, it is also yours.” “Grief, love, gratitude and the search for meaning do not belong to one person. They belong to all of us,” he says. “It is about what happens inside us when life strips away certainty.” Space between breaths Van Tonder explains that the “stop and pause” pitstops are not instructions but intentional spaces to breathe, to notice, to ask yourself the questions we often avoid because life moves too fast. “Small, human ways of returning when your body knows before your mind does,” “When the ground shifts, or when you simply want to feel more here in your own life.” Looking into a mirror Space Between Breaths is shaped by love and loss, cancer and a pandemic, and the absence of a goodbye. “But more than that, it is shaped by moments I didn’t realise I was losing while trying to hold everything together.” Reading this book felt like looking in a mirror, reflecting on my own reactions and life experiences during uncertainty and loss, while simultaneously experiencing the devastating loss of the author’s mother and actively grieving with him in real time. You may find yourself holding back certain emotions that feel too much or too heavy to deal with right now; I know I surely was while reading it, and then you are offered a moment to stop and observe your own state of presence. Grieving and healing Tired of fighting my own tears that wanted me to simply let go after a few chapters in, I decided to give in and allow it to break me open too. This wave of emotions comes just as quickly as it goes, but most importantly, I too was offered many moments of presence to practice in the space between breaths. The heaviness comes and goes as the tides of the ocean do; this book takes you through a rollercoaster of highs and lows, yet after reading it all, I truly feel significantly lighter and present in my own life. ‘This book offers to sit with you’ “This book is not asking you to relive your own losses or arrive at answers; it is simply offering to sit with you in the spaces where life feels unfinished, unclear, or tender.” In fact, the author welcomes the reader to even close the book, step outside, take a breath, come back later or not come back at all, if at any point it seems too much. Giving the reader an opportunity to experience the space between breaths and moments of heaviness in life, while checking in with themselves and following the sequence of unfortunate events in his life. ‘Presence is surrender’ “Presence is not about endurance; it is about listening.” “Like many of us, I once believed that if I could just stay vigilant enough, strong enough, prepared enough, I could control the outcome,” Van Tonder says in the book. “What this journey taught me slowly, painfully and irrevocably is that presence is not control.” “Presence is surrender, presence is listening, presence is staying, especially when every instinct tells you to escape,” Van Tonder writes. Book launch The book will officially launch on Thursday, 12 November 2026, in Cape Town, where Justin P Van Tonder will share the story behind his debut book, and it will be available on Amazon from November. “I didn’t set out to write a book about cancer, or even about grief,” says Van Tonder “I set out to understand what happens when certainty disappears, and what I found is that the life-changing moment is not always the one that stops your world.” “It is the moment you finally become present enough to notice the world you are already in,” he concluded.