NHS nurse's sister had no idea why she had killed herself aged 33 - until she read diary that revealed how cocaine had taken over her life

The sister of an NHS nurse had no idea why she had killed herself aged 33 - until she read her diary that revealed how cocaine had taken over her life. Jennifer Porter died by suicide after struggling with drug addiction for years while simultaneously building a successful career in healthcare.Her sister Josie has now revealed that her sister's death came out of the blue and that she was a 'ball of joy' to her friends and family until she died. But after finding Jennifer's diaries, Josie found out the debilitating effects of her sister's cocaine addiction. 'Looking through her stuff, I tried to find answers, and ultimately it just all comes back to drugs,' Josie, a dietitian and author, told The Times. She thought her sister just enjoyed an occasional 'bender' but her diary showed her cocaine use went far beyond this. Josie said: 'Going through her notes, it gave me a lot of detail around the amount of drugs she was doing. It baffles me still. No wonder she was struggling so much.' The nurse's sister has spoken out to highlight the warning signs of high-functioning addiction. Jennifer Porter, who died aged 33, died by suicide after struggling with drug addiction for years while simultaneously building a successful career in healthcare Josie Porter (left) and her sister Jennifer, who killed herself after years of cocaine use Despite regular cocaine use in her time-off, Jennifer never used the drugs at work, according to her sister, and was a successful nurse at St Richard's Hospital in West Sussex. Josie believes her sister would have been terrified of losing her job if she sought help for cocaine addiction. Josie said: 'Jenn was the kind of person who would never misbehave at school. She would never get a detention. She always wanted to play by the rules.'I think even if someone told her it was okay to reach out for help, there would be a part of her that doubted that, because she felt so ashamed of herself. 'If she lost her nursing registration that would be the end of everything for her, because that was her ability to survive. That probably was a real anxiety for her.' 'To people that didn't know her, she would have seemed so successful. A lot of people say addiction doesn't discriminate, and I think that's true. Taking drugs is so normalised in society, and people may think they're immune from getting a problem because they've got a job, a house, a car and feel successful. 'But I just don't think that's the case. Just because someone seemingly looks okay, it doesn't mean that they are.' 'She was saying we were going to have the best summer ever, we were talking about going to New York. We had tickets to see Post Malone, one of her favourite artists. [The suicide] was just very out of the blue,' said Josie.Josie has previously spoken out about how much of a shock the suicide was. 'It genuinely looked like things were improving. She'd bought a new phone, had deliveries on the way and concerts booked. Despite regular cocaine use in her time-off, Jennifer never used the drugs at work, according to her sister, and was a successful nurse at St Richard's Hospital in West Sussex Her sister Josie has now revealed that her sister's death came out of the blue and that she was a 'ball of joy' to her friends and family until she died The NHS nurse had started to take cocaine when she lost her grandfather in May 2015'That's why it was such a shock - I just didn't expect it. Looking back now, there were things I missed. She took her life in the moment - I know that - because even though she has tried to do it before, she has always regretted it.' The NHS nurse had started to take cocaine when she lost her grandfather in May 2015. Her sister said that their grandad was their family's father figure and that his death had 'hit Jenn really hard'. And at the same time, she had just met someone who was selling cocaine and so had easy access to it. But despite her grief and spiralling addiction to the drug she helped patients through the Covid-19 pandemic while dealing with demanding shifts and staff shortages. Josie said: 'Jenn was an incredible nurse who spent her life helping other people.' Suicide rates for nurses in England are 23 per cent higher than in the general population and charities have called for nurses to be offered access to mental health and addiction support. Josie added that her sister's case highlighted the importance of 'keeping conversations alive' about mental health.'I think sometimes when someone seems better, that is when they’re actually at their most vulnerable,' she said. For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116 123, visit samaritans.org or visit https://www.thecalmzone.net/get-support