My Wife and I Have Hosted a Neighborhood-Wide Halloween Tradition for Over 20 Years. We Can’t Agree on Where to Go From Here.

Care and Feeding It’s time for a change. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, For the last 23 years, my wife and I have hosted a huge Halloween party for our neighborhood. We have a deep lot and go all out decorating, have professionally carved pumpkins, give out full-sized candy, and it attracts hundreds of people each year. Our kids are off in college now, and we are beginning to tire of it. My wife feels it would be cruel to do away with a tradition that brings so much joy to our community, especially given the terrible state of the world right now. Should we continue, or is it time to let it go? —Potential Halloween Grinches Dear Potential Halloween Grinches, If you can’t continue the tradition, it’s OK to let it go. Most good things do, in fact, come to an end. This is no exception. It sounds like you’re close with your neighbors. You can chat with some of them and let them know that while you’ve enjoyed the tradition, you won’t be able to continue it. If someone else is interested in throwing the annual party, could you help them figure out how to do what you and your wife have been doing so well for so long? There may be other neighbors who are willing to pick up the task, but might have assumed you both had it under control and didn’t want to overstep by trying. If so, your role for the next couple of years can turn into that of a consultant instead of a full-on event planner. Show them the timeline for when you start to plan, where you buy decorations and gifts, and any other really essential tips. It sounds like you really enjoy spending time with others in your community, and especially as the years go by, you might want to keep those relationships strong. It’s beneficial for you as empty nesters and also for the other families, too! Who doesn’t want to be in a neighborhood where everyone is on friendly terms and can spend time together? But it’s more than fair to want a break from more of the backbreaking work that mostly benefits families with younger kids. So, pass the baton and then sit back and smile at hordes of kids in cute costumes—you’ve earned it. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My elderly mother is unfortunately having some serious health issues. She has trouble walking, and it’s also caused major depression. It has been a sudden change. My kids are 7 and 5. We live close to my parents and see them once or twice times per week (my dad is healthy and babysits, and I also help my mom once a week). My mom has said she is disappointed that my younger son doesn’t engage with her and that “he is afraid of me.” My 7-year-old will read a book with her or play a board game while she sits down if we suggest it (for part of the visit), but my younger son prefers to be running around and doing activities she can’t really participate in. He also sometimes doesn’t want to hug her, whereas he will happily hug his grandpa. How much should I try to guide/pressure my 5-year-old to engage with her? Sometimes she is just lying on the couch. It’s been tough for me to see my mom have to go through this. She was a great help to me when my kids were babies, and I want to support her as best I can. —A Sudden Change (she/her) Dear A Sudden Change, This situation is tough for everyone. While I don’t think there’s an easy answer, I think it’s worth trying to see if you can help foster a connection between your mom and your younger son again. I suggest you talk to each of them separately and in different ways. Your son may be really young, but I’m always surprised at how much kids understand. We often underestimate them. Explain to him that Grandma might not be able to physically do as many activities with him as she used to, but that she really, really does want to play with him, and she gets a little sad when she doesn’t get the chance to spend as much time with him. Give him ideas for games that could make sense for them both, like, “Do you think you might want to show Grandma this new red toy car that you love? She used to drive a red car, too, kinda like this one, back when I was your age. We would drive everywhere!” You’re not blaming him or putting a bunch of pressure on him; you’re just letting him know how she feels in a way that he can understand. He likely isn’t thinking that he’s pushing her away, only that he really wants to run and play, and she is someone who is often trying to get him to slow down or stop for a hug. He’s trying to be on the move, and she feels like the opposite of what he wants. Then remind your mom that your son is 5 years old and still growing. He might not understand right away, but he’ll get it. So while it might hurt a little bit when he runs away, it’s not a reflection of his love or admiration for her. It’s really easy to forget that, as she’s dealing with her own depression around her health and physical ability, so she will really need your help in reminding her of this. Ever Gotten a Call From Human Resources? Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to hear about it—and help you navigate your problems at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! Dear Care and Feeding, I have a multilingual almost 4-year-old who is interested in reading/letters, etc. School won’t cover reading in English until mid-elementary school, but I’m not sure how to approach things like letter sounds that are different in different languages. I’m not good enough at the other languages to always sound things out/real-time translate. She likes Reading Eggs, but are there any other good resources? —Teaching Reading Dear Teaching Reading, It’s amazing that your very cool 4-year-old is learning to read in multiple languages at once. Learning to read in one language alone is a huge feat! One fun way to learn is to find the same stories in different languages so that she can be exposed to the same sight words. Apps like Gus on the Go that tell stories in Spanish, French, Greek, and Hebrew can help. Also, remember that learning can happen anywhere. Texting family members, writing grocery lists, and looking for letters in newspapers and magazines are all ways to encourage her to start to look at letters and words and, soon, begin to practice reading and writing. (This resource from the American Federation of Teachers on learning to read and write in two or more languages might be some help.) Even a simple “Hi Grandma” is a writing practice! You’ve got this. —Arionne More Advice From Slate I’m a single mom and my daughter is 4. She’s bright, funny, generous, and headstrong. Like most 4-year-olds, she occasionally cops some attitude, like shouting, “Everyone stop talking!” when she wants to say something. Sometimes she melts down into a sobbing mess in response to setbacks or difficulties, but I think this is pretty normal. I don’t love it, but I accept it and we deal with it as best as we can. I’m pretty sure I’m doing this parenting thing all right. The problem is my mom and sister… Advice Halloween Marriage