My Daughter Has a New Approach for Dealing With Her Bully. I’m Not Sure About This.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. This is a newsletter bonus question. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, There’s a boy, “James,” in my 10-year-old daughter “Amanda’s” class whom she cannot stand. Yesterday, I discovered a fabric doll she had made that appeared to represent James, with dozens of pins sticking out of it, most of them concentrated in the eyes and crotch. When I confronted Amanda about it, she confirmed the doll is a voodoo doll and that she is trying to put a curse on James as revenge for him constantly teasing her. Apparently she learned about making the dolls online. I don’t know what to think here. Is this a healthy outlet for my daughter’s frustration, or do I need to take it away and tell her this sort of ill-wishing is mean-spirited and has to stop? —Not a Nice Doll Dear Not Nice, I’m surprised that you’re more concerned with the “mean-spirited” doll versus the fact that James is allegedly “constantly teasing” your daughter. As a woman, I’m sure you know that boys “teasing” girls isn’t always taken seriously by school staff and leadership, and just how miserable it can be to have a boy bothering you with no recourse. You need to apologize to Amanda for not saying or doing more when she told you she was having an issue with a fellow student at her school. As far as the voodoo doll goes, explain to Amanda that it’s part of a culture and set of practices that she does not understand, and appropriating them isn’t the right way to go about handling things with James. Let her know that voodoo is sacred to its practitioners and that it can be dangerous to meddle with spiritual tools without proper guidance; also explain that it isn’t appropriate for children. (If she’s familiar with “larping,” you can cite her doll as an example.) I would then get more details from Amanda and request a meeting with her teacher where she can share what has been happening with him or her in your presence. If appropriate steps aren’t taken to sanction James or keep him away from your daughter, then you need to escalate your concerns to the principal or some other appropriate administrator. —Jamilah Classic Prudie My good friend “Mary” set me up with her brother “Jim” in January, when he moved in with her from out of state. We’ve been dating ever since. While Mary was happy for us, she was sad to not have a partner herself. So when Jim told me in March that he was going to prioritize her feelings because she was having a hard time, I understood. (By that time we were a “pod” of three, and being the third wheel can be rough.) Initially, their close sibling friendship seemed nice. But then Mary got possessive. She told me privately that they had fulfilled the emotional role of romantic partners for each other for years. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids