My Brother-in-Law Has Been Taking Advantage of Us for Months. But What I Found on My Credit Card Statement Is the Last Straw.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Liubomyr Vorona/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, My husband, “Mike,” and I let his brother, “Dan,” move in with us after Dan’s divorce wiped him out. Seven months have gone by and it’s not working out, to put it mildly. He has been drinking more and more, doesn’t pay rent, got fired from his job back in May when he failed to show up for work for the eighth time because he was too shitfaced to get up, and thinks it’s hilarious to teach our toddler profane language. But the final straw came last week when I opened my credit card statement and discovered over $3,500 in charges for adult entertainment! Dan initially denied it when I confronted him before finally fessing up after I threatened to kick him out. When I told Mike about what his brother had done, he agreed that it was wrong, but that “Dan doesn’t have much to look forward to right now” and thus we should let it go this one time. If my sleazebag brother-in-law is allowed to get away with what he did, I am convinced he will do worse. Would I be within my rights to tell Mike either Dan goes or I’m taking our son and staying with my sister until he’s gone? —Brother-in-Law Battle Dear Battle, Your brother-in-law is disrupting your day-to-day life, your finances, your parenting, and now, your marriage. So yeah, I see why you’d want to issue that ultimatum. But I’d think of it less as a threat and more as a necessary boundary. I get that your husband wants to be compassionate toward his brother, but at some point, he’s just enabling him. And by asking you to let it go, Mike is sending a message that Dan’s behavior has no consequences and that his comfort is more important than your peace of mind and the comfort and well-being of your family. But before you pack your bags, try having a final conversation about this with your husband. Avoid making the conversation about Dan’s character or how much of a hard time he’s going through. Instead, focus on how Dan’s behavior is affecting your family: the $3,500 bill, the influence on your toddler, the fighting. Then let your husband know that you don’t feel like you trust him to protect your shared interests and your child. If he still prioritizes his adult brother’s comfort over his family, then your ultimatum makes sense. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your sanity—or your finances—because your husband won’t confront his brother. —Kristin Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Classic Prudie My brother is engaged to a really wonderful woman. The problem is that she shares my relatively common first name. It’s a common-enough name to the point that I am used to being in groups with other people with the same name, and it generally doesn’t bother me. However, I have been surprised that it does bother me quite a bit to deal with this confusion in my family. I’ve said jokingly a couple of times that we need to find a nickname for her, but she hasn’t suggested one. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Personal Finance