I’ve been sleeping with a man for 4 years — I don’t know his real name

This week’s diarist wishes she could date (Picture: Myles Goode/ myles.psd) Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger. This week, we hear from Ramona*, a 53-year-old single mum, who works in PR. ‘I love my life, but it leaves little room for romance — or sex,’ she tells Metro. ‘After leaving a husband who didn’t want children, a gay friend agreed to be my sperm donor and I became a mother alone. ‘Now my daughter is the centre of my world, but babysitters cost a fortune and evenings are precious. ‘So, for the last four years, I’ve had a sexual arrangement with the handsome Turkish man who runs the corner shop opposite my house. ‘I still don’t know his real name. Somehow, that seems to be part of the appeal.’ So without further ado, here’s how Ramona got on this week… The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work. Monday Sign up to The Hook-Up, Metro's sex and dating newsletter Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up to The Hook-Up and we'll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro. We can't wait for you to join us! I check my calendar. Work, school, playdates, children’s activities — and absolutely nothing resembling a date. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. Dating apps are no better. Tinder offers a handful of matches, mostly younger men, but nobody I’m excited about. Then I think about my hook up who works in the shop. He’s younger, charming and has always seemed to watch me when I walk in. He gives my daughter little treats and a year on from meeting me, asked for my number. We had one date where we struggled to make conversation with no shared interests, but we had sex anyway. It was plain, vanilla missionary position and definitely not the best sex I’ve ever had. To be honest it felt a bit like sloppy seconds. But frankly, uncomplicated and convenient sex without the dating circus is a good option for me right now. I would want a relationship if it came my way, but it’s not likely when I spend most my time at kid activities. The no-strings arrangement is so much easier to fit into daily life right now. Tuesday I’ve worked until 3.30pm, collected my daughter and spent an hour on Tinder while she plays in the park. Romance looks unlikely. Then there’s Badoo. That’s what he told me to call him, but I still don’t know his real name. It feels rude to ask after all this time. This evening, when his shop closes at 11pm, he comes over. My daughter is asleep upstairs, he arrives with Prosecco and we skip the niceties. This isn’t romance. We have sex in my living room which is the furthest away from my daughter’s bedroom. I’m always afraid she’ll wake up so I keep the sex to a simple and fast missionary position. He’s never spent the night and I’m happy about that. He’s offered to pay for a hotel for a night before, but that means leaving my daughter with a babysitter. I’ve never left her for a night. Wednesday I’ve been sleeping with Badoo every couple of weeks. I still don’t know where he lives. He says he’s separated. I won’t sleep with a married man, so I choose take him at his word. I have no feelings for him. The sex just feels very transactional, and I feel better for having had some intimacy. I don’t think he has feelings for me either, and since I control every interaction it makes me feel empowered. There are no flowers, declarations or weekend breaks. There is just an understanding. It’s probably the shallowest relationship I’ve ever had — and possibly the most efficient. At this stage of my life, efficiency means I’m not giving up quality time with my daughter or spending money on going out. Thursday I realise I have no date for the weekend, but financially I’m not in the position to date anyway. I’m in the playground with my daughter, watching her race around while I answer messages. I could put her in after-school club, but she loves being outside and I don’t want to rush these years. So I text Badoo. He replies almost instantly, asking if I want him to bring Prosecco or a takeaway when he comes over tonight. I’m aware our arrangement would horrify some people. A man whose real name I don’t know, arriving after midnight for sex? But I’m over fifty, single, busy and tired. Friday I get my daughter to school, finish work, clean the house and book her into after-school club so I can shower, do my hair and put on make-up. After school we go for Nando’s with other mums and children. Then bedtime. By 10pm she’s asleep. At 11-something there’s a knock. Badoo arrives with Prosecco. We drink it, kiss and disappear into the familiar routine. The sex is quick, uncomplicated and mutually satisfying. He goes down on me but then expects that I go down on him, which I do, but weirdly it feels too intimate. I prefer just having missionary protected sex, with no foreplay or even kissing. It’s too personal. Afterwards he dresses, mentions an early delivery and leaves. I’m relieved not to have to make conversation. And, I have no regrets. Saturday Saturday begins with pancakes and the usual question: ‘Did you sleep well?’ I’m secretly pleased my daughter has no idea I had a visitor. We go to the park and she immediately spots the ice-cream van. £3.50. I silently curse her father, whose £150 monthly support barely makes a dent in what raising a child costs. Although it was never agreed, I hoped my daughter’s biological father would step up to provide a bit more for his child, but he doesn’t seem to want to. I’ve tried many times to ask for more, but at the end of the day I don’t have much grounds to get more from him. Later, we stop at Badoo’s shop. He gives her chocolate and she likes him. He asks if he can come over again tonight. I decline. My sexual needs since entering menopause are more than fulfilled by one night a week. Even casual sex needs boundaries — especially when you’re a mother. Sunday Sunday is packed with my daughter’s classes: dance, gymnastics, theatre and art. While she’s busy, I squeeze in the gym and lunch with a friend. Then we go to the 5pm Church of England service. I hope it might help her eventually get into a good church school. Sometimes I feel sad that she doesn’t have a kind, generous father figure. And sometimes I wish I had someone too. I’d love romance, freedom and a proper sex life. But I know these years will vanish. Soon she’ll be an independent teenager. Deals of the Day My skin always suffers when the heating goes on but this serum changed that The skincare formula that finally took the guesswork out of my routine Families can save up to 20% on summer 2027 holidays in Club Med's four-day sale Cold mornings are coming and this is the dressing gown I want to live in Most of us aren't getting enough fibre – this easy supplement could change that For now, I’m choosing the messy, exhausting life I actually have. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: John Boyega, 34, welcomes baby with wife Tae Heckard, 48, after secretly marrying Arrow MORE: The ‘go-to’ sex position most commonly requested by men Arrow MORE: I’m a sex worker — this is what my female clients want and why they’re so hard to please The Hook Up Metro's hottest newsletter, with juicy stories and tips for spicing things up in the bedroom. 18+