I’m Pregnant, and My Husband is Cheating on Me. That’s Not Even the Worst Part.

Care and Feeding My head is spinning. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Antonio_Diaz/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, I am expecting a baby with my husband, “Max,” next month. Today he confessed that he has made another woman pregnant and that her baby is due in December! My head is spinning. I am currently at my sister’s. Max swears he will break it off with this woman and that he won’t be in the other kid’s life, that he’ll just pay child support and we can forget the whole thing. Part of me wants to believe him, but the rational part of my mind is screaming that if he lied to me like this for all this time, he could do it again. My sister has generously offered to let me and the baby stay with her for as long as we need to. Would it be best to end things with Max, or should we try to work it out for our child’s sake? —Stunned Spouse Dear Stunned, Your husband isn’t only a liar and a cheat. He is also a soon-to-be father who wants to/plans to have nothing to do with his own child—that is, the other woman’s child—and thinks “forgetting the whole thing” is a solution to this problem of his making. What makes you think he’d be a devoted father to the child he’s having with you? If you’re trying to convince yourself that it would be different with your child because he loves you and made a commitment to you (which he has not taken seriously), you would be wise to remind yourself that he has sworn “he will break it off” with the woman he has evidently not yet broken it off with. You don’t know what the hell he’s been telling her. Trying to work things out with Max “for your child’s sake” would mean raising a child with someone you cannot (and should not) trust. I’d put money on this marriage foundering—on an eventual divorce, which would be harder by far on your child than never having lived with both of you at once. Cut your losses now. Indeed, I’d say you’re lucky he has shown his true colors this early. And you’re lucky to have someone in your life who wants to help you through this. Give your sister a big hug from me. —Michelle More Advice From Slate I’m a single parent with a 15-year-old only child. Over the summer, my son was kicked out of sleep-away camp for bullying and acting racist. He was grounded when he got home and assigned a chore equal in value to the cost of camp. He understands why his behavior was seen as racist and felt badly about that, though generally he was pretty defiant about the situation. During the time that he was grounded, he ran away. He was found at a friend’s house a couple of hours later, and I did call the police to report this. Advice Family Kids Parenting