I’m About to Be a Couple’s “Unicorn.” But There’s Something Off About Them.

How to Do It I’m not sure about this. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Deagreez/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, I was recently in talks with a couple on an app about having my first threesome. I really hit it off with the woman on the app. But there were no photos of her husband. We were making plans to meet up soon, and I asked her to tell me more about her husband. All she said was essentially that I would love him, he’s great, etc. But still no photo of him! So I suggested we meet at a bar beforehand to feel out what the three of us are into, and she seemed hesitant but ultimately agreed. I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this because I’m nervous, but it struck me as a little off! I’m not sure if I’ll go through with this. Is this a red flag? And if it is, what should I look for in a couple when trying to finally make this dream happen in the future? —Not Sure About It Dear Not Sure About It, Stay firm about meeting in a public place if you go through with it, and make sure a friend knows where you’ll be and when to expect a check-in, like you’re hopefully doing with every first date with a stranger. The situation is off, for sure, so be prepared for a few different scenarios. You may be stood up, because none of these people exist and someone is having a one-sided roleplay at the expense of other app users. The wife or both of them might be awkward in general or about casual sex. Or, in increasing order of far less likely, a lone man might show up and reveal that he was hoping his fantasy would entice you into sex with him (in that case, call your friend and extricate yourself cautiously), the wife might show up alone because the husband hasn’t actually agreed to this or doesn’t exist, or it may turn out that the husband is genuinely notable or perceives himself as such and they’re doing some cloak and dagger business to reduce the risk of the kind of chaos that comes from being of public interest and engaging in activities that exacerbate gossipy interest. Consider how curious you are, how much free time you want to devote to this, and how much energy you have for potential antics. Green flags for threesomes are open communication, subtle confidence (as opposed to braggadociousness), and generally seeming like each person and the situation as a whole makes sense. Meeting in public to see how you all get along is pretty standard, so the absence of reluctance around that is another big signal. You might also look at sex clubs for places to find potential couples—you can attend, keep your clothes on, meet people, and make plans, secure in the knowledge that you at least know what they look like. —Jessica More Advice From Slate I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve always been overweight. I’ve also always had an enjoyable sex drive, and things like antidepressants, breakups, grief, trauma, work stress, and even 2020-2021 pandemic times never really put a dent in it. Alone or partnered, I had sex a minimum of four times a week. In the past four months though, something completely flipped… Advice Sex