I was told to keep my toddler quiet on a flight – I wish I’d stood up for myself

Here’s the thing about flying with kids – you can never be sure which version of them you’re going to get that day. You can pack toys and colouring books, download cartoons and ensure there are enough snacks to survive an apocalypse, and still end up with a two-year-old who decides that, actually, today is the day they are going to test the full range of their vocal cords at 30,000 feet. Which is exactly what happened on a recent flight with my two-year old son. He wasn’t crying or distressed. He was happy. He was just being a two-year old. A two-year old who, on this day, was chatting, shouting and making considerably more noise than the average adult passenger probably wanted to hear. Naturally, I was doing what any parent of a toddler would do in that situation: trying everything. Distractions, entertainment, speaking quietly myself. When you’re in close proximity to several hundred passengers, you’re hyper-aware of being courteous and doing the right thing. Shorts But as anyone with children will know, they don’t always get the memo. In fact, sometimes the more you tell them to be quiet, the louder they become. Trust me, I’ve tried. Then the lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder through the gap between the seats. “Can you make him stop?” I was speechless. I thought about responding, “No, can you?!” but my manners got the better of me. What do people expect parents to do when a perfectly happy toddler is noisy – find the off switch? I can ask my son to be quiet. I can explain why he needs to use his inside voice. I can distract him and entertain him, but I cannot control his every sound. In a plane cabin, you’re sharing a confined space with other humans. Babies cry. Toddlers shout. Children get excited. I’ve been on plenty of flights where adults have spoken loudly, coughed and sniffed non-stop for three hours, or watched something on a personal device without headphones. I understand that nobody wants to sit next to a noisy child on a flight. I don’t particularly want to listen to my own child shouting for hours either. “What would you like me to do?” is the question I wish I’d asked the passenger behind me. It made me wonder what other passengers are thinking when they turn around for the 50th time and give you that look. You know the one. Parents are already carrying an enormous amount of pressure when they fly with young children (Photo: Jen Carr) I wish I’d stood up for myself (and my happy boy), but mostly I’d love to understand what she expected. Parents are already carrying an enormous amount of pressure when they fly with young children. We’re worrying about whether they’ll behave. Whether they’ll eat. Whether they’ll sleep. Whether they’ll annoy someone. Whether the passengers around us are judging us. That’s not to say passengers should simply put up with it all. Of course there are limits, and parents should do their best to manage their children. But “doing your best” doesn’t mean having complete control over a two-year-old. Happily, on another recent flight, I experienced the opposite. A stranger who sat beside us showed genuine kindness towards my children, chatting and interacting with them. They didn’t judge or make us feel like an inconvenience. It was a small act, but it meant a lot. It reminded me that for every person who turns around and glares, there can be someone who smiles. For every person who taps you on the shoulder, there can be someone who remembers what it was like to travel with a small child. I don’t expect special treatment, nor permission for my children to behave however they want – only a little understanding. And to the lady behind me: if, by some miracle, you happen to be read this, please let me know – what exactly did you want me to do? Because genuinely, I would love to know. Jen Carr, family travel expert and founder of The Travel Mum, shares the best affordable holiday deals for families throughout the week. Her new book Yes, You Can Travel with Kids is available now Jen’s hand luggage essentials for family travel Refillable water bottles Plenty of snacks A change of clothes (for everyone) A lightweight jumper or blanket Entertainment that doesn’t need Wi-Fi. Screens (if you use them) with pre-downloaded shows or games Small, portable, mess-free toys and games without lots of pieces Wipes and hand sanitiser