I Want to Throw a Party to Celebrate a Huge Accomplishment. I’m Not Sure All My Friends Will Appreciate an Invite.

Dear Prudence Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Yuri_Arcurs/Getty Images Plus. Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, A few years ago, I purchased my first home. Through a little good fortune and lot of hard work, I have come very close to paying off the entire balance of the home loan rather quickly. I would love to share in this milestone with friends and family by throwing a celebratory get-together this summer, with food and drinks provided, to mark the occasion. But something is holding me back. Some of my friends are unemployed or underemployed, and about half currently rent out the places they call home. I can’t help but worry that, in this economic environment, a party to celebrate my lack of indebtedness might rub people the wrong way, especially those who may just be scraping by. Consequently, I’ve considered limiting the gathering to a few people with whom I’m especially close. Would I rain on some parades by throwing a larger party, or should I feel at liberty to share this news and invite the whole crew? —Should I Stay Mum? Dear Should I Stay Mum, Throw a lovely summer party and keep the reason for the celebration private. You don’t need an excuse to have friends over for food and drink. But tapping on a glass to announce, “The reason I’ve gathered you all here is to raise a toast to the fact that I have paid off my mortgage at an accelerated rate,” will definitely be hard for everyone else to swallow. —Emily Yoffe From: Help! A Woman Insulted Me for Adopting—Only My Daughter Isn’t Adopted, She’s Mixed-Race. (April 30th, 2012). Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Prudence, The year I turned 50 one of my oldest friends asked me to come visit so we could celebrate our mutual 50th birthdays with a jaunt to a coastal city. All I had to do was fly to where she lived and she took care of the rest. She paid for the hotel; I had only to cover my own meals. The entire trip was sweet of her to do and we had a lovely time. When I got back home I had every intention to write a thank you card and get an appropriate gift. To my shame I never completed the note nor sent the gift. I got a couple of letters from her that I never replied to. I don’t know what made me be so stupid. It’s now been eight years. I miss my friend but I don’t think she would like much to do with me at this point. I’m miserable about all this and don’t know what to do. —Stupid and Cowardly Dear Stupid, A few weeks ago I got a letter from a woman who had abruptly broken off a close friendship that left her abandoned friend confused and bereft. The reason was that the letter writer had had an affair with the other woman’s husband. This is an explanation for some mysteriously severed connections. But there are many other alternatives, and you present a compelling and likely more common one: being a giant doofus. We’ve all put aside the social task that we wanted to take the time to do well, postponed the email that should be long and full, only to realize we never did it at all. The dashed-off note that gets sent is preferable to the heartfelt missive that dies aborning. But here you are, having destroyed a wonderful friendship because you never finished the note acknowledging your friend’s wonderfulness—calling O. Henry! I agree that there are no amends that will set you up for a joint 60th birthday celebration. But even now your friend deserves an explanation. She must have gone over every exchange of that birthday weekend wondering what in the world she did or said that so offended you. Write her address on an envelope today and enclose this column with a cover letter saying that “Stupid and Cowardly” is you. Say you make no excuse for your behavior, but you finally wanted to do the right thing, thank her for her kindness, and let her know why you disappeared. —E.Y. From: Help! My 19-Year-Old Niece Has Made a Porno. Should I Tell Her Mother? (May 3rd, 2012). Dear Prudence, My wife has a huge crush on a famous celebrity. She and I met in college and she used to have posters of him all over her room. She has DVDs of every movie he’s been in. When he’s on TV she won’t talk to me and watches him entranced. I’m not jealous because there’s no possibility of her meeting him. But I feel weird hearing about my wife’s crush so frequently in my own home. Am I being petty for wanting her to stop talking about him to me? Am I going to turn into a control-freak husband if I ask her to get rid of some of his memorabilia? —Not a Fan Dear Not a Fan, As Princess Diana once said of her husband Prince Charles’ affair with Camilla Parker Bowles, “Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” You married your wife knowing it was just you, her, and Brad Pitt. Ever since you and your now-wife got together, she’s probably been imagining that you are Brad and she’s Geena Davis being ravished in Thelma & Louise. You are not going to extinguish this obsession, and as long as your home is not an open pit dedicated to Pitt memorabilia, her collection is her business. But it is fair for you to tell her that while you understand that she’s Brad’s (or whoever’s) most devoted fan, you’d appreciate hearing a little less about him. If she can’t put a lid on it, maybe it’s time you started collecting Angelina dolls. —E.Y. From: Help! My Wife Ditched Our Honeymoon To Be With Her Best Friend. (April 26th, 2012). Classic Prudie My husband and I never wanted children—we preferred to travel and spoil our dogs. He got the snip before we even met. Only, six months ago, we found out that he has a 13-year-old daughter, “Ella,” from a college fling. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Real Estate Friendship