I Think My Son’s Halloween Costume Idea Is Hilarious. My Wife Is Putting Her Foot Down.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by ArtAbraham/Getty Images Plus and Olga Yastremska/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife, “Liara,” and I have a 7-year-old son, “Ethan,” who wants to go as a poop emoji for Halloween. I think it’s funny, but Liara thinks it’s “disgusting.” She is dead set against it, and Ethan is very upset as a result. Should I try and talk some sense into my wife, or just secretly change Ethan into the poop emoji once we go out trick-or-treating and then back before we come home? —Married to the Party Pooper Dear Married, I fear I may be “Team Liara.” I hate bathroom humor—ever since I was a child, it has made me uncomfortable. I find it absolutely disgusting, and I have shut down conversations and turned away from movies to avoid it (that one scene in Bridesmaids ruins an otherwise perfect movie, imo!). Poop emoji merch, such as this proposed Halloween costume, force those of us who are adverse to that sort of content to have to see it. Furthermore, while Halloween is “for the kids,” let’s not pretend parents don’t have the time of our lives getting our littles ready with their costumes. Your wife doesn’t want to see her sweet baby angel as a pile of shit. She doesn’t want to send her loved ones pictures of him that way, either. That said, I do think you should try and propose a compromise: Can Ethan have two costumes? Maybe a mom-approved one of his choosing for school, and then the poop for when the two of you go trick-or-treating? That way, the fun of Halloween is not stolen from Liara nor Ethan. As far as getting your wife to relent at all, ask her why the poop bothers her so much. Invite her to consider that, while it may be deplorable and weird to her (and me!), it isn’t inherently offensive, and it means a lot to your son. You don’t want Ethan to feel like his mom’s preferences will always mean more than his own, especially when this isn’t based on safety or caution. What you must not do, however, is sneak Ethan into the costume or talk to him about your disagreement with his mother over this issue. You can’t send him the message that he can do as he pleases behind his mother’s back, or that somehow, your authority is more important than hers. You’ve got some time to wear her down, good luck! Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife “Tanya” and I can’t agree on whether our 10-year-old son “Grant” should be allowed to go trick-or-treating without an adult this year. Ordinarily I take Grant and his younger sister (age 6) trick-or-treating while Tanya hands out candy at home. Often we would end up joining other parents out with their kids. Now Grant wants to go with a group of around eight of his friends. He says they’ll stick to our neighborhood and the two next to it. We live in a very safe area where everyone knows everyone and think it’s fine. My wife thinks Grant is still too young to go out on Halloween without an adult. Our son is 10, not 1! She’s being unreasonable, isn’t she? —Not a Baby Anymore Dear Not a Baby, I’ve lived and travelled around the country, and I’ve yet to see a pack of 10-year-olds alone, maybe anywhere? Perhaps this is normal in some communities, but many folks would consider that too young to be out without the supervision of an adult. I could see maybe leaving them alone in a large park while being accessible in another area of the park, but not just a-walking around. Now if your son and his friends frequently move around the neighborhood without adults, I can understand why he might have thought this would be OK. But a couple of kids walking to the park is very different from Halloween, when they’ll be hyped up on candy and strangers will be dressed in costumes that can hide their identities. Yeah, it’s a no for me, dawg. Talking about going to three neighborhoods, too? Absolutely not. I’d suggest having at least one parent or two follow behind the group close enough to identify any danger, but far enough to let them sniggle and giggle without feeling babysat. If the other seven kids’ parents are down to let them go alone (I somehow doubt this), your son will have to cope with the fact that different families have different rules. I’d say 12 seems like a much more reasonable age for this sort of thing, and it’s only two years away. —Jamilah More Parenting Advice From Slate My boyfriend and I are trying to have kids. The topic of changing poopy diapers came up, and he was adamant that he would not do it. He said that since he mows our lawn, I can change everything that isn’t pee. He was laughing, but I don’t believe he’s joking at all. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids