I Proposed a Reasonable Solution to Our Son’s Halloween Hijinks. My Wife Isn’t Having It.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Andrii Zorii/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, We’ve already bought a Halloween costume for my 8-year-old son, “Jaden”—he is going as a monster. But since he got his costume earlier this month, he’s been wearing it and jumping out and scaring his 3-year-old sister, “Mallory.” He did it again this morning, and now my wife, “Britney,” has decided he can’t be a monster anymore and has to go as something else. Jaden is extremely upset and says it’s not fair, and I agree. I think the proper thing to do is to take away the costume for now so he can’t use it to scare Mallory, and then give it back to him on Halloween just before I take the kids trick-or-treating. But my wife won’t hear it. How do I get through to her? —Upset Over a Costume Dear Upset Over a Costume, I know kids can be frustrating and annoying at that age (I’ve got three of them), but we also have to accept that from Halloween through Christmas, our kids will be CRAZED with excitement. One rule that I have is that I try to not to “cancel” any holiday activities, no matter how annoying and disruptive the kids get. (A fine alternative: Take something else away. We’ve definitely taken away the PlayStation from our oldest kid when he’s hit his siblings or mouthed off to us.) I love your solution to put the costume away until Halloween and then let your kid get his monster on—but no scaring his sister. This is totally reasonable. If your wife still disagrees with the plan, then you have my permission to dress up in the monster costume and hide in her bedroom closet. When she’s in there changing for work, jump up and scare the living shit out of her. No use in wasting a perfectly good monster costume, right? (Don’t actually do this.) Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband, “Mark,” and I have two kids, “Sasha,” 7, and “Simon,” 9. Mark’s mother, “Edith,” unfortunately has some antediluvian ideas about what boys and girls are “supposed” to like. This has recently sparked something of a war. Edith came to visit a few weeks ago and brought some gifts for the kids: a Barbie for Sasha and a geode for Simon. Sasha has zero interest in girly things (which my mother-in-law is keenly aware of and chooses to ignore). So Sashsa was upset that Simon got a geode and she didn’t. Edith acted all insulted that Sasha didn’t want the Barbie and left, leaving us to deal with two angry kids. Mark and I have been trying to resolve the geode dispute ever since. Both kids want it, and because it’s a one-of-a-kind type of item, it’s not as if we can just go out and buy a second one for our daughter. What’s a fair solution? —Just One Rock Dear Just One Rock, OK, you’re left with a couple options here. One, OK yes, the geode is one-of-a-kind, but certainly you can go to your local witch store and buy a second, similar geode so your kids don’t stay angry at each other. Alternatively, you could also stick the geode you have now on a high mantle where they can both admire it, but not play with it. (How exactly do they plan on using it anyway—you can’t exactly take it into the backyard and use it as a frisbee.) Or—and this is my preference—you use this as an opportunity to teach your daughter how to be grateful for a gift, even if it’s one she doesn’t like. Put aside whatever opinion you have about your mother-in-law’s intentions or tastes: She still gave her a gift. Sasha can’t treat people this way, even if that person is someone you find rude and antediluvian. —A.J. More Parenting Advice From Slate My 14-year-old daughter is a ninth grader at a private school she attends on a significant financial scholarship. She’s done well there and has made friends, participated in activities, and maintained honor-roll grades. My daughter is smart and creative and athletic. And most days she dresses like she’s going to a nightclub. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids