‘I panicked during an interview and said I have a qualification I don’t have. I got the job’

QuestionMy issue is work-related. I did a job interview recently for a position I really wanted, but I panicked during the interview. I am well qualified for the role, but very stupidly said that I have an additional certificate (in a sensitive area) that I don’t have.Now I got the job and am in fear of this being discovered and I think it is only a matter of time. This job is sensitive so honesty is held in high regard and I’m not sure what to do. The worst thing is that I am finally working for a company that I have dreamed of and I would love to spend the rest of my working life here.It is all having a big effect on me, I am not sleeping well and am agitated, edgy and jumpy, as I keep expecting the axe to fall. I am early for work every day, but I know I am not settling in like I should. I keep jumping when someone asks me a question or comes up behind me. I have always been bad at lying and my confidence is at an all-time low now. There is a year’s probationary period, and I will have two meetings before passing it. The first one is in a month’s time and I’m wondering if I should come clean.I spoke to my dad, who says that I should ride it out and that I have all the knowledge that the certificate would require. But what if I’m found out? There is a woman who works in my team, and I would really like to ask her out but what if she finds out that I am a fraud or is it even worth it if I am leaving the company anyway.READ MOREI feel like I have put my whole life in jeopardy.AnswerThe immediate effect of this deception on you is that you cannot be yourself, cannot relax or allow yourself to enjoy the job. Being on alert all the time will drain your energy and make you secretive and unapproachable, so others will find you difficult to be around and this will have a detrimental effect on your assimilation into the workplace. So, something needs to be done.It seems that the lie told at the interview goes against your principles (otherwise you would not be suffering so much) so facing up to this will get you back in alignment with yourself. However, there may be a way of doing this that can demonstrate your capacity for taking responsibility and your determination to stay in the job.[ ‘It was my dream job – and now I feel like an utter failure’Opens in new window ]Your dad says that you already have the knowledge that the certificate would provide so it should be possible for you to upskill without too much effort. Can you enrol on a course immediately – try for an evening course and pay for it yourself, so that it does not impact your work hours. If you can have this in situ, it might show that you are determined to fulfil your commitment from the interview.You need to set up a meeting with your manager, pick a time when you won’t be disturbed and when there is time for discussion. Start by saying that you are privileged to find a job in a business that excites and challenges you and that you are committed to it for the long term. Then, when you are sure that the manager is listening, tell them simply and honestly that you overstated your certificate at the interview and that, in fact, you are still in the process of achieving it. It will help to acknowledge the sensitivity of the business and the importance of trust and honesty in its delivery and of your commitment to these principles. Then allow the manager to absorb the disclosure and ask if it is possible to reflect on this and have another conversation in the coming days.Whatever the outcome – and it may lead to dismissal – be gracious in accepting it and don’t overthink it. This is a tough lesson, but it also requires some self-compassion.At interviews we want to show ourselves in the best possible light and in the effort to impress, we can overstate our competencies, and this can (as you know) backfire and instead of impressing, we end up disappointing those who have invested in us. True confidence is having faith in ourselves as we are and being open to development. This is a development opportunity for you and see it as such, rather than a failure to hide.[ ‘I am back in the workplace full-time and it is unbearable. Managers have become mistrustful’Opens in new window ]Shame is toxic emotion that can eat away at your wellbeing and the way out of it is usually to own it, apologise and move on. This is what you will do with your manager and once it is done, you have learned the lesson and there is no need to keep poring over it. Trust that this won’t happen again and do not pile guilt or regret on yourself. You say you are attracted to someone at work and this shows that your desire and aliveness continues to work, in spite of the stress that you are under, and this is a good thing.You are having negative thoughts about the job that are blocking you from making a connection, but it might be good to trust your instinct that this is a possible relationship option for you and open yourself up to taking the risk.As you are already feeling vulnerable about the job, you might understand that adding this possible rejection might be a bit much for you, but it would add to your self-worth if you put yourself forward and trust that you will handle the pushback if it comes.To send your question to Trish Murphy, fill in the form below or email tellmeaboutit@irishtimes.com