I got my degree at 36 while raising two young kids, but I’m still looking for a job – was it worth it?

Women Believing a degree would give her better career prospects, Jillian Lim juggled work, night classes and two young children, grappling with mum guilt and marital strain. While she’s still looking for a job, she says the experience gave her something she didn’t expect. The writer wonders if it was worth the stress and marital strain of studying for her degree at 36, with two young children to care for. (Photo: iStock/M_a_y_a) New: You can now listen to articles. This audio is generated by an AI tool. Two years ago, after 16 years in the workforce, I decided to get my degree.I started working at 19 while still in polytechnic, hosting the weekday morning show on the then-Hot FM91.3 before heading to school.By the time I received my diploma, I thought I deserved a break – I would work first and get my degree later on.Eventually, I didn’t see the point of going to university. I already had a sought-after job, I was earning a good salary, and I was getting real-world experience.Periodically, my parents would nag me about going to university.My mother, a teacher, got her degree in her 40s. She studied part-time – two nights a week – for almost three years.Midway through her studies, she was hospitalised with meningitis, but she still managed to get her degree – something she is infinitely proud of. The salary jump she received as a degree holder also made a difference to our family.My father, on the other hand, was more carefree and never felt he needed a university degree. So, it was truly a “do as I say, not as I have done” moment when he made it abundantly clear that I had to have one. After 16 years of working and, facing impending retrenchment, the writer decided to get the degree she had been putting off since graduating from polytechnic. (Photo: iStock/Igor Suka) I was already on the retrenchment track at my former company when he decided to nudge me about it again.“When I was retrenched, I was slightly older than you and with no degree. I wasn’t even rejected from jobs. I couldn’t even land an interview,” he said.I’m embarrassed to say I reacted like an angsty teen and shot back: “So a degree will magically get me a job?” But I enrolled for a course after that, purely out of guilt for speaking to my dad that way.If my degree was going to make him happy and reassure him that I’d have a better chance of securing a job, then I’d do it for his peace of mind. I decided on a bachelor’s degree in business marketing to complement my broadcasting portfolio.Unlike my mother, who spread out her studies, I opted for nightly classes four to five times a week, making for a jam-packed 18 months.STUDYING AGAIN AFTER 14 YEARSWalking into a classroom after more than a decade, muscle memory led me to the back. Life experience made me move to the front, where the “smart kids” usually sat. Instead of sitting at the back of the classroom like she normally would, the writer decided to sit at the front, where the “smart kids” usually sat. (Photo: iStock/hxyume) There was an even mix of men and women, and even a few working mums. Our lecturer made the encouraging comment that “mothers usually end up doing the best”.She attributed it to the fact that working mums were busy and had no time to waste, so they were better at managing their time to meet assignment and project deadlines.No time to waste, indeed. My youngest daughter was barely a year old and not quite sleeping through the night. My four-year-old was still feeling displaced at the arrival of her younger sister. My being busy with school didn’t help.My husband had also decided to start training for the marathon, so night duties with the baby still fell largely to me as he was exhausted after his runs and could not be roused. I felt anger building up, which I ignored. THE STRESS IS REALMy dormant brain managed to keep up despite the lack of sleep – for the first two terms, at least. By the third, however, I had started a new job and was at work from 9am to 6.30pm. The course was also getting more difficult.The stress was real. My hair started falling out, I was always irritated at my kids, and I resented the fact that my husband had the time to get healthy and was losing weight. The stress of taking care of two young kids and studying for her degree began to build up by the writer’s third academic term. (Photo: iStock/staticnak1983) Honestly, I used school as an excuse. When I lost patience or just didn’t want to deal with the kids, I’d lock myself in the room to listen to my lectures again.If my husband and I argued, instead of talking it out like we usually did, I’d say I had to finish my assignment. I avoided dealing with things, which made home life tense.By the final term, I had truly had enough. The course was interesting but mentally, I hit a wall. I was exhausted and arguing frequently with my husband, who was picking up the slack putting the girls to bed at night, helping our older daughter with spelling tests, and taking them off my hands on weekends.Quitting was not an option as it would have been a waste of money. My decision to sit at the front turned out to be the best decision for me – the people there became my group mates and got me to the finish line.Another mum in my group was solo parenting two sons (one preparing for PSLE) while working full-time and studying at night. We got each other through with empathy and motivational “come on, we are mothers!” pep talks.WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS?At the peak of my stress, I’d often think: Why are we doing this to ourselves? The mum guilt was crushing me and there was no guarantee of a job or promotion. Was this pursuit just a status symbol? At the peak of studying part-time for her business marketing degree, the writer says she was exhausted and arguing frequently with her husband. (Photo: iStock/cofotoisme) When my mother was at her night classes, I was unsupervised and spent endless nights watching TV. I loved the freedom but I did feel neglected as well. Surely, my girls were feeling the same way.I also recognised that my anger at my husband was that, no, my girls didn’t miss me – they were doing fine with their dad.But I also saw that, for some women, getting a degree was a way for them to reclaim something for themselves – my mother, who couldn’t afford to go to university when she was younger, and my group mate, who put being a wife and mother first.For my friend, Mieko Nakachi Lange, life just happened. After an unplanned pregnancy made her a young mother, there just wasn’t time or money to think about further studies. It was all about survival.Now, with her daughters aged 14, 10 and five, the finance associate saw a tiny window and seized the opportunity to study for her degree – something she, like the other women, wanted to do for herself. THE SINGAPOREAN PAPER DREAMI can’t say I feel the same as them. If I were gainfully employed and earning a liveable salary, I’d feel no need to get a degree.Maybe it’s childish rebellion not wanting to conform to the typical Singaporean paper dream. She would feel no need to get a degree if she were employed with a liveable salary, the writer says. (Photo: iStock/Keeproll) It has been five months since I graduated – with second upper honours, I’m proud to say – and I have been job hunting.Updating the “education” part of my resume did give me a sense of accomplishment, but has it improved my chances of getting a job? Not really.I thought that my work experience coupled with a degree would make me more hireable. But in my job search, I found that my newly acquired degree sometimes put me in the “fresh grad” category, work experience notwithstanding – which put me in a no man’s land.Perhaps it’s simply the state of the current job market. My degree hasn’t magically opened doors, nor made the sting of countless rejection emails any less sharp. Maybe the return on investment just hasn’t arrived yet.What I did take away from it all was that I was able to return to school after 14 years while being a mother to two young children and working in a new job. Doing all that showed me I had more discipline than I thought I was capable of.It taught me that starting late isn’t the same as falling behind. Perhaps not now, but eventually a door will open that could only have been opened by having this paper qualification.Regardless of when it happens, my girls got to see their mother do something she knew was difficult, do it anyway, finish it – and finish it well. CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg.