Help! I Made a Simple Request of a Mom on a Plane. But Her Answer Has Me Questioning My Own Character.

Dear Prudence Help! There’s a 3 Year Old With an iPad on at Full Volume on This Plane. Welcome to another installment of Prudie Lurks, a column that weighs in on Reddit drama. By Enter your email to receive alerts for this author. Sign in or create an account to better manage your email preferences. Unsubscribe from email alerts Are you sure you want to unsubscribe from email alerts for Jenée Desmond-Harris? Oct 31, 20266:00 AM Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Slate and Amorn Suriyan/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. We receive a good number of letters in the Dear Prudence inbox, and yet not enough to satisfy my desire to hear about the conflicts in strangers’ lives. This piece is part of Prudie Lurks, an occasional column where I weigh in on a post from the Am I the Asshole? subreddit. AITA for asking parents to turn their kids off on a plane?: I’m currently on a flight where a kid in front of me has their iPad on full volume. We’re also delayed on the tarmac for 39 extra minutes. Initially I called the flight attendant and showed a note on my phone saying “hey, kiddo in front of me is listening to their iPad on full volume, any chance we can fix this?” She saw it and then walked away and didn’t address the situation. Twenty minutes later I kindly tapped the mom of the child in front of me and asked if she had headphones, and that if not Delta was giving them out for free… she said “she’s 3, what do you want me to do?” I feel like an ass for feeling the way I do but if we hold everyone else to the standard of not playing videos/ music out loud on planes I feel like parents should do the same with their kids. Am I the asshole for trying to get this kid to turn Baby Shark off?! Prudie’s Take: When my daughter was one, we took a flight with her and she fell asleep in the boarding line. If you are not a parent of a young child this might not mean a lot to you, but if you are a parent of a young child, you understand what chaos it can be to get a young child onto a plane. As someone who intensely fears the idea of being an asshole in public, I was so relieved and giddy over this unearned moment of ease that I felt really magnanimous toward the other parents who were fighting for their lives as their kids broke down. One mom in particular was visibly sweating while wrangling a toddler who was screaming like a rabid animal during the entire boarding process. When I finally heard the familiar sound of Ms. Rachel from halfway down the aisle and the wailing stopped, I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that this woman’s agony was over and that we were all in good hands. I couldn’t have cared less about the volume or absence of headphones because I will take cheerful songs about bunnies over crying and screaming any day and I’m sure at least a few other passengers felt the same. But I completely understand that you came to your flight differently, hoping to hear nothing other than in-flight announcements. That’s fair! And you handled your concerns well. Far from being the asshole, you were polite, helpful, and made proper use of the chain of command. You didn’t throw out unnecessary insults. You didn’t cause a ruckus that led to the flight being grounded. You did nothing wrong. All the commenters on your original post and I agree. NTA!: Bbh447: “NTA. It is unreasonable to expect a toddler to be silent on a plane, but not unreasonable to expect parents to do what they can to make it more comfortable for others. It would’ve been an easy fix for her to turn the volume down” — Jeremyjava: “I’d go further and say anyone who’s playing music/sounds without headphones is an ass and completely disrespectful to those around them–and likely would be the first to complain if you then started playing your sounds beside them, bc now you’re interfering with their sounds” Moving on to the other characters in this story: The three year old: The three year old was probably a bit of an asshole. I’m willing to bet this was the kind of individual who asks for food and then doesn’t eat it, has trouble taking turns and has maybe even bitten someone in recent memory. But all of this is excused based on brain development or whatever so they get a pass. So, it’s “YTA” with an asterix for that toddler. The mom: definitely deserves the asshole label. Even if we embraced the “Be kind, everyone is going through a battle you know nothing about” mentality—maybe her child has special needs; maybe the iPad broke and couldn’t be turned down and she couldn’t afford a new one; maybe they were on their way to a funeral and she was too grief-stricken to remember headphones and her kid wouldn’t tolerate the cheap in-ear ones distributed by the airline; maybe she had major flight anxiety and couldn’t make any decisions beyond getting on the plane and sitting down— she could have handled even the most miserable travel and parenting day a lot better. If she felt she had no other options, saying, “I am so very sorry, this trip has been a nightmare. I feel like my choices right now are to let him listen to this or for us all to listen to him scream. I really apologize” would have been easy. I truly get where she was coming from by just letting her kid listen to Baby Shark without headphones in the first place. But if someone asks you to stop, you have to at least respond to that request with a little kindness. One more thing: All that said, you were also kind of an asshole. To yourself. To move through an airport, an airplane, or the world getting worked up about people who can’t or won’t be as considerate as they should be is setting yourself up to suffer. People shouldn’t block the sidewalk while standing around looking at their phones, chew with their mouths open, litter, insist upon ineffective natural deodorant on hot days, interrupt, etc. But they do! And you’re making things too hard on yourself if you decide these inevitable faux pas are going to ruin your day, or if you spend your valuable time reporting on and correcting them. Advice Family Parenting Travel Prudie Lurks