Cancel history

It might be time to clear out our mental browser histories.We just celebrated America’s 250th birthday, so it’s time for some revolutionary thinking.Not the shoot-em-up kind, but the original kind. Here’s my revolutionary thought: Let’s stop worrying about history. Let’s forget it all and start over.There’s been a lot of debate lately about how history should be taught or even acknowledged. We’re told we either need to know all the horrible stuff that went in the past, or we want to forget all the bad stuff so we can feel good, or we should learn the good and the bad so we can be good at trivia.The cliché is that we learn from past mistakes. Or maybe it’s that we learn how to do them again. It’s one of those things. Or maybe both.Really, though, do we need to know what the Founding Fathers thought about artificial intelligence?We’re supposed to learn from history, but do we? Come on, do we? What have we learned from, say, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Minnesota?Clearly, the solution is to ignore history. Maybe even forget about it. Then we can concentrate on the present (and argue over reality).There are serious advantages to this.Aside from ending all the stressful debate about what sort of history to teach, schools will save money by not having to spend it on history books and teachers. History teachers can be reassigned to present-day money-making student projects like influencing and creative startups.No longer will judges have to perform intricate logical gymnastics to make the past seem to justify what they want to do in the present.Publicly-funded museums will feature the art and culture of the real world — Ronald McDonald cutouts, Taylor Swift and Beyonce album art, extensive presidential blooper reels. Not only will these displays be educational, but putting the collections together will be much cheaper than stocking boring historical galleries.No need to be bored with Van Gogh or Botticelli. What we want to see is Wolverine and Labubu dolls.Young people in need of education will flock to institutions that mean something to them.And we can put Ken Burns to work documenting the text messages of world-weary cultural warriors.Now imagine a world in which no one blames Biden for everything since his reign was in the past, we focus on what’s happening now and actually try to do something about it.Side quest. There is, of course, another way of looking at this debatable history thing. If we can’t agree on a common history, why not make up our own?Choose your adventure! You can justify anything with the right backstory.That seems to be what’s happening anyway in certain circles. You might as well get in on the fun.For example, did you know that the Founding Mothers enjoyed abortions? It’s true! In fact, if you didn’t get at least one abortion in the early days of the country, you were considered a traitor intent on decimating the resources of our fledgling nation.If you don’t believe me, check out the text message thread created by Martha Washington, Abigail Adams and Martha Stewart.Second side quest. Or we can conduct our affairs via a nationwide Dungeons & Dragons game.You choose your characters, make life choices and see where the dice take you.If you think this is preposterous, consider this: Would you rather have Donald Trump or a chaotic neutral night elf running the country?The answer is obvious.Subscribe to our free newslettersOur weekly newsletter Closing Arguments offers the latest about ongoing trials, major litigation and rulings in courthouses around the U.S. and the world, while the monthly Under the Lights dishes the legal dirt from Hollywood, sports, Big Tech and the arts.Additional Reads