Bryan Johnson Announces Plans for Mass Revenge

Getty Images / Luke Hales For years, multi-millionaire Bryan Johnson has chased after immortality, embracing bizarre “anti-aging” procedures like hyperbaric oxygen therapy and huge numbers of supplements. Unsurprisingly, those woo-woo biohacks haven’t worked — Johnson was recently diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease, which is tough news for anybody, let alone someone convinced they can buy their way out of death itself. Things have only unraveled since that diagnosis. Not only has Johnson committed to trying to “solve” the autoimmune disease, but he’s also begun taking a bold stance against detractors, announcing a plan to blast anybody who’s ever criticized his strange ambitions. “I have an AI agent that logs every negative comment someone makes about me online,” Johnson said in a recent post on X-formerly-Twitter this week. “It then creates a profile of the person, maps all of their social connections, and finds all their emails.” Then came the bizarre threat. “Tomorrow morning, my AI agent will sent out an email blast to everyone’s extended social network, detailing the horrible things they’ve said about me,” the longevity guru explained. In a reply, Johnson expanded on his promise, saying the email blast isn’t just “to their social network, but to the extended network of everyone they know as well.” Then, in an almost Muskian fashion, Johnson walked it all back, claiming it was all a joke. (Remember what they say about guys who say horrible things and then claim they were joking if people get mad?) “I’m for real just kidding on all of this,” he said in yet another follow-up post. “Make sure you’re in bed on time tonight.” The absurd original post quickly racked up over 3.4 million views, with thousands of comments taking it at face value. “Please tell everyone I know that I called you a transhumanist parasite on the human race,” one critic countered. Inscrutable though Johnson’s threat may be, it reveals a good deal about how ultra-high-net-worth tech executives understand their own power, not to mention how fragile their egos can be. Even as a joke, an AI bot army of that size and scale presupposes access to resources most people can barely imagine — yet which a multi-millionaire like Johnson could marshal in an instant. As the gap between the top 1 percent and everyone else continues to swell to staggering proportions, even facetious threats become a plausible show of force. As the tech elite struggle in the face of rising populist backlash, it seems that not even their jokes are on a level playing field. More on tech executives: Hundreds of Protestors Descend on Meta Corporate Office Depicting Zuck as the Devil