Blackmailers put the bite on

Peter Riley of Penrith asked AI (C8): “‘What’s the best way to get published in Column 8? A cash bribe? Or holding Granny’s dog to ransom?’ AI replied: ‘Neither! The gatekeepers of The SMH’s legendary Column 8 are notoriously resistant to both financial corruption and canine hostage situations. The only currency they accept is wit, whimsy, and a sharp eye for the absurdities of daily life. Aside from the fact that dognapping, extortion and bribery are entirely illegal, Granny does not negotiate with terrorists. You are much better off trying the legal route’.”“I can’t see what all the worry is about AI getting rid of humanity,” opines Peter Berman of Balgowlah. “When the inevitable software glitch happens, and it needs to be turned off and on again, we can just leave it off.” “I’d gladly trade John Turnell’s bogong moths and Dave Pyett’s koel (C8) for our channel-billed cuckoo, which has a squawk likened to that of a prehistoric dinosaur or a pterodactyl,” says Peter Miniutti of Ashbury. “I’m not sure who has been around long enough to make that comparison unless AI is older than we think.”“With the recent C8 emphasis on nature, I wish to add another discovery,” offers Warren Finnan of West Ryde. “While working in the backyard, I was whistling the theme song to the TV show, Bewitched, and a nearby koel answered back by warbling the same first four notes. Try it yourself. You might get Samantha back!” “I loved the mention of ‘couth’ (C8) by Messrs Reid and Polgaze,” says Marilyn Irons of Narrabeen. “I can remember my father saying ‘That’s very couth of you’, and it’s stuck with me. Susie Dent in one of her books mentions a character as looking ‘shevelled’. Why some words stick and some fall out of favour is a fascinating subject.”No mention of the Chelsea Pots (C8), but Alison Stewart of Waitara recalls that her husband Doug took her to The Chelsea to celebrate their first wedding anniversary in 1973: “He said that it’s all downhill from now!” “Would it be fair to assume that John Lees (C8) has missed out on any celebrity encounters?” asks Warwick Farley of Roseville. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. In his petition for an end to the mention of luminary concurrence, John made a point of saying “I could name at least a dozen but nobody cares.”Column8@smh.com.auNo attachments, please.Include name, suburb and daytime phone.More:Column 8OpinionFor subscribersAIWildlifeThe Sydney Morning HeraldWordPlayFilm & TV productionCelebrity lifeFrom our partners